Then a phone call changed everything. "You have cancer," the doctor said. After my biopsy, it wasn't exactly unexpected, but they were still words I had a hard time connecting to me. No one expects to hear those words. It took some time before I could share them with anyone else.
Suddenly, some of the baseball practices and games were handled by caring friends who wanted to help. Many of the "important" things on my to-do lists were set aside as I made new appointments with doctors and hospital radiology. While this was a surprise to me, it wasn't a surprise to God who prepared help along the way.
If you asked me before the diagnosis how all the appointments and procedures and recovery would fit, I would have told you there's no way. But they did. Sometimes we had to drop things. So many times we leaned on the kindness of our friends to fill in the gap. Yet, my kids got to do kid things, we uncluttered some of the nonessentials, and we rarely dropped the ball on the absolutely necessary things. (Yet chemo brain was also in effect so maybe I'm not remembering everything clearly.)
No matter what, we survived.
Five years is kind of a big milestone in the cancer world. When I was reading stats about my diagnosis when I first entered this new world, all of them talked about five-year survival rates. At first, my stomach dropped and I thought after the five years it got worse. Of course, it is actually the opposite. Then my doctor explained that the statistic is based on treatment that started five years ago, and what is showing 88% now is more likely to be 90% or better because of the advancement in research. Doctors enjoy spreading hope when they can, since they also see the worst prognoses, so my radiation oncologist often stated the statistic and how I can contribute to being in the 90% group (exercise, diet, limit alcohol and add vitamin D). My oncologist, on the other hand, would tell me in more general terms, that she feels confident that the treatment worked, that she feels more hopeful since the advancement of Herceptin that my cancer will not come back.
I'll feel better after my appointment with my new oncologist in May, after another round of blood tests and questions. Remember six months ago when I said I was passed off because my case was so "boring"? I'm praying for more boring, more of the 90%, but mostly, more trust that no matter what, God is not surprised and will be there through it all.
That phone call that set this all in motion was five years ago on April 19th.
Last week, I expected a different phone call, a call about a job. For the first time in over 20 years, I interviewed for a job. It's a part-time position in the library. A year ago, I took a group of middle school homeschoolers to the library to learn about research and all the resources available to them. That day I thought to myself, I'd like to work here someday. After months of searching the library website waiting for a part time opening that I felt qualified for, I applied for a Public Assistant position. I interviewed last Thursday.
On April 19th, exactly five years after the cancer phone call, the library supervisor left a message on my phone to call her back. I couldn't reach her until the next day, but she offered me the job!
I love how God brought me full circle, from wondering if I would survive five years to finding myself exactly five years later moving on with my life, beginning a job that I feel is the perfect fit for my interests and experience.
Only God could see that five years ago.
My mind is swirling with how I'm going to handle Ben starting driver's ed in a week (thankful for friends to share the carpool again), how we are going to work out the car situation between the kids' activities and how many doctor and dentist appointments I'll need to rearrange. Yet, I know, that with God's help, we'll figure it out. It is nowhere near as complicated as we went through five years ago.
During the same week I start my new job, I'll meet with my new oncologist (since I don't have my schedule yet, I have no idea if I'll have to reschedule that appointment or not.) I also have other things on the calendar, like graduation teas and family visiting, and since it's only three days a week, I'm hoping God will coordinate all the details.
As I was waiting to hear about the job and wondering if the timing was right, I ran into this verse:
"This God--his way is perfect; the word of the Lord proves true; he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him." (Psalm 18:30)
I prayed that God would shield me from anything outside his will, that I would rather be disappointed that I didn't get the job than get it when He wasn't behind it.
Knowing God worked out the timing of this job, I will rest that He will take care of the schedule, too. As He has always done. And always will.
Our God is in heaven. He does what He pleases." (Psalm 115:3) And He pleases to work all things out for the good... (Romans 8:28)
