Black Friday

I can't wait to go Black Friday shopping.

I'm not a shopper. I avoid crowds like a pregnant woman avoids a deep, cushy couch.

So, what gives? Why am I excited about going out shopping in the wee hours of the morning this Friday?

Because every year I carve out this day to spend with my daughter.

It all started one innocent November when Becca was about 12. My in-laws were moving to the east coast, and our traditional Thanksgiving with family was upended.

A friend of mine invited us to join her and her girls for early morning shopping. At first I turned her down. "Um, no thanks. I went out once on a Black Friday and I told Walt to promise to never let me go out again!"

We were walking the parking lot at our homeschool co-op, and as we walked, my mind began to process this idea. What if we go for the experience, to hang out with our friends and not plan on shopping? What if I treated it as an adventure and not a shopping trip? If we stumble onto a sale, we could partake, but we won't route out the best sales from the ads, trying to navigate crowds for the best promotions, all of which I failed at at previously. What if I looked at this as something Becca and I could do together?

At the end of the loop, I started liking this idea. Without family in town to celebrate holidays, we could start a new tradition. Becca, who loves the mall, probably thought she opened an early Christmas present when I told her our plans.

So on the day after Thanksgiving, we arrived at JC Penneys at 4 a.m. to pick up a free ornament. We hung out with friends at Starbucks, and wandered the mall. We came home with a few packages but mostly memories.

Part of the group that first Black Friday

We even went out on Black Friday in 2012 when I was in the middle of radiation treatment. Every day, excluding Thanksgiving, I showed up for treatment at 2 p.m. This meant  that I needed to go to the hospital after shopping that year. I remember telling the technicians all about our early-morning time at the mall, but also how I was looking forward to returning home for a nap.

As my friends' daughters grew up or our paths diverted, as some of my friends chose other places to shop or stayed home, as Black Friday shopping spilled over into Thanksgiving day, the group got smaller and smaller. This will be the second year Becca and I have chosen to go out on our own. Sometimes we run into friends, which is always fun, but I expect it'll be just us this year.

Since I have no desire to go out on Thanksgiving night, desiring to put a few hours of sleep in between being thankful and consumerism, we will continue to show up at the mall around 4 a.m, even though it's been open for hours.  We will continue the early morning awakening, drive down darkened, near-empty streets, and if it's like last year, an easy parking spot near the entrance. Instead of at the beginning of the shopping frenzy, our 4 am arrival hits in the sweet spot between those who shop on Thanksgiving night and those who shop during the day.

Our goal is to wander around, probably find some sales at some of her favorite places, maybe find clothes for Walt, the boys and even me, enjoy a coffee at Starbucks, and continue to make a memory. I'll try to get a picture this year.

We don't have specific expectations but are usually surprised by some deal. I don't get much Christmas shopping accomplished, unless Becca surpasses my budget for her clothes and we wrap up some must-have items for under the tree.

Mostly it's time doing something together, watching the crazy people, and finding out what has been on her mind lately.

And as I wander the mall this year, it will be especially poignant since it is likely to be the last time she'll be around for Thanksgiving in a while. She is considering a college out of state, and flying home for Thanksgiving with Christmas break so close probably won't be feasible.

We will cross that bridge when it comes.

In the meantime, I'll set my alarm on Thanksgiving night, and fall asleep anticipating this time once more.

And as I do, realizing the importance of connecting with my kids while they are at home, I'll ponder how I can include a special time with each of my boys this year.

Any suggestions?

God is Faithful

"God is faithful."

I heard this response frequently in response to my cancer updates. God has been extremely kind and good and loving as He has led me through this journey.

Yet, when I that my good news was connected to God being faithful, I couldn't help but cringe. 

If God is faithful to me because I caught my cancer early enough, or the chemo and radiation were effective, what does that say to people who don't hear good news?

Was God not faithful to my friend whose cancer broke through her lymph nodes and has a 50% chance of showing up somewhere else in her body? Or what about my friends who are diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer from the start and will always be in treatment, their life most likely shortened and always filled with some kind of pain?  

For that matter, what about the godly parents whose children are sick or wayward? What about those who have lost homes in a flood or a fire? Or lost their jobs unexpectedly or unfairly? Or are waiting in the desert, not hearing from God, longing for something good, like bringing their teenage son home from Africa who has been bound up in governmental red tape and procrastination? 

Therefore know that the LORD your God, He is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and mercy for a thousand generations with those who love Him and keep His commandments; (Deut 7:9)

I always connected God's faithfulness with keeping His promises. God promises eternal life (John 3:16), always providing a way out of temptation (1 Cor 10:13), that the elderly, childless Abraham would have descendents as numerous as the stars (Gen 15:5). The many promises in the bible include His provision, refuge, rest, salvation. 

A small snapshot of what the bible says about faithfulness

He never promised a cancer-free, easy life. So my being free of cancer wasn't because He is faithful, but because of His kindness, right?

Yet as I studied and prayed, I'm beginning to see where my picture of faithfulness falls short. 

Psalm 111:7 states "The works of his hands are faithful and just..."  God's works are faithful. His character is faithful. His plan for each of us is faithful. 

In fact, He promises, "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart; I have overcome the world." (John 16:33) 

Yes, we are promised trouble and hardship in this world. But, we are also promised that God has overcome the world. I think this could mean in this moment or in the end.  My view to the eternal, knowing God wins in the end, that whatever I am facing is temporary when lined up with forever, helps keep my struggles in perspective. Yet, leaning on His faithfulness means we can trust His plan today, too. That somehow this struggle, this pain, this difficulty will make sense. That He who began this work, will complete it in Christ Jesus. (Phil 1:6)

I can be confident that today, God's plan leads me to the good news of clear tests during my six-month screenings. I'm so incredibly thankful that I'm cancer-free. 

However, my message of God's faithfulness would have more teeth had I received bad news. Sure, it's easy to be thankful for God's plan that is easy and hopeful.

Here is a better example. A few years ago I listened in tears at a retreat as a young wife and mother told the story of her husband's tragic accident that left him paralyzed from the waist down. She said, that despite everything she walked through and will continue to walk, she wouldn't change anything. From her blog, Healing for Thomas, she writes,  "Although this event was tragic and traumatic and completely changed the course of our lives, it has lead us straight into the arms of Jesus and we have found true intimacy with Him there! We would not change these events in our lives because only now do we see and know God in a way we only drempt (sic) of before…He has given us real and lasting hope."
Sometimes, our faithful God, pushes us to the ledge of all we can manage on our own, wanting us to let go and trust Him to work out His plan, to connect with Him in a way that is more intimate and real than ever before. 
In Daniel 3:16, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego stood before the burning furnace because they chose faith in God over worshipping idols. They knew "the God we serve is able to deliver us from it... but even if He does not, we will not serve your gods." 
They put their lives into the hands of the God they trusted who could choose to save them in the furnace or save them in eternity. As those of you who have read the story know, the three men were tied up and thrown into the blazing furnace, ordered seven times hotter than usual. It was so hot that the flames of the fire killed the soldiers who were near the open door. Then, King Nebuchadnezzar saw four people in the furnace, walking around, unbound. When he ordered them out, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego came out of the fire completely unharmed. Not a hair on their head was singed, their robes completely untouched.
This is an incredible story. In this case, God chose to go with the men into the fire (or at least I assume the fourth figure in the fire was Him). In other situations, His plan may be to prevent someone from going into the fire, or walking them completely through it into eternity. In all situations, God is always faithful to His plan.


Those who lean into God during the fire, will experience Him in ways they couldn't before. As much as I enjoy health and activity, I sometimes miss those days when I lay helpless from the effects of chemo, worshiping God with my tears.  I never felt more loved and cared for than in those quiet, hard moments. 

The kids, Sugar and I taken Christmas Eve, shortly after finishing treatment in 2012

This picture, taken this summer, shows how much the kids and my hair have grown

So is God faithful in my good news? Absolutely. He is faithful no matter what circumstance, whether a scary trial or the sweet relief of good health. He is always faithful to His character, a God of immeasurable love, goodness, and refuge. 

"The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." (Deut 31:8)

As I am posting this on election day, I can't help to remind myself that no matter the results, God is still faithful. He is still God, in control, unsurprised, almighty King.

Steven Curtis Chapman, the Christian singer and songwriter, posted a video on his facebook page with a song he wrote. He has an amazing way of nailing the truth:

He is faithful and true, 

everything He says He'll do,

And everything we go through, 

He will go with us.

All the kingdoms of man 

are in the palm of His hand

So I will not fear, I'll say it loud and clear, so my own heart can hear it

God is on the throne.

 Steven Curtis Chapman video

Book Musings

This fall I sensed a need to slow down, to dodge the bullets of Facebook political battlefields, to pause in between activities to appreciate the moment, to consider the person over my schedule. My reading time also reflected the need for a simpler time. On one of  my visits to the library, I noticed a Mitford novel I hadn't read yet.

This is Jan Karon's 10th book in her Mitford series. If you haven't heard of her, you really need to start here

Then if you like this one, you have at least nine more books in the series to savor.

During the years of parenting babies, I enjoyed living vicariously in this fictional North Carolina town, following the surprisingly entertaining adventures of Father Timothy Kavanaugh, his couch-size dog who only obeys scripture commands, a throw away boy and a pretty next door neighbor. This gentle series offers sage wisdom, a charming small town setting complete with a map  on the inside covers of the book, neighbors who take care of one another, and moments that foster a smile and sometimes outright laughter.

If you, like me, devoured each book as they came out but have ventured on to other books and series, let me invite you back to the rich cast of characters inside this newer offering. It was fun to catch up again on the lives of the retired Father Tim and his now wife, their adopted son who is wrestling with grown up decisions, and the rest of the cast of characters who  make Mitford feel like home. Because of my absence, I found myself trying to remember who was who, and stumbled on this beautiful collection of treasured moments from the series.

I'm a huge library fan, but I have some of these books in my collection. I also lend out books from time to time, so I'm missing a few of the ones I've collected. That's okay, though. In my eyes, books aren't meant to be stored but shared.

And when I love a book, I enjoy letting people know about it. This is how I am living in the present today.