Curls

My hair continues to grow in curly--lots of crazy, unmanageable curls. I always loved the look of curls on other people's heads. Now that I have the curls, I'm not so crazy about them on me. First of all, it's so different from my old hair. I hardly recognize my reflection in the mirror. I've been getting quite a few compliments on my hair, but mostly from friends who know of my battle with chemo baldness. Last year at this time, my hair had recently fallen out. When I went out in public with my hat and scarf, I found myself looking into people's eyes to gauge their reactions. As the months rolled by, I no longer cared how people saw me, because I grew comfortable in my wide assortment of hats. I had no bad hair days. I'd choose a scarf, top it with a hat, and be done. Mornings were easy! Even though I couldn't wait for my hair to grow in, I have to admit that getting ready is a lot more complicated than before. Every morning I now wet down my unruly hair, add a bit of moisturizing cream to prevent frizz, gel down my bangs so they aren't so bouncy (trying to avoid the grandma curls), scrunch up the curls on this side, wet them down again on the other side. Everyday is a new adventure and I never know how it will look. I again catch myself peering at strangers, trying to appraise their reaction to my short hair.  (No, I didn't choose to have my hair this short, I want to say). Just like I grew comfortable in my hats and no longer cared what others felt, I know I'll feel that way soon with my hair. I may even get used to my curls, especially as my hair grows longer. Maybe I'll fall in love with them just as my hair switches back to it's normal texture. It would serve me right for complaining!

My friend Sandra has even given me some pointers on what to do with the curls. She said first of all, don't fight them. Don't try to straighten, brush or blow dry my hair. It will only cause my hair to frizz. (She's exactly right on that!) She told me about the moisturizing creme for curls. I'm looking forward to each stage my hair grows into, and probably will have to navigate a learning curve on what to do with my hair next. Maybe my curls will stick around. Maybe my old hair will grow back or come back. Who knows? Even if it's not my same old hair, at least it is hair. In my bible study today, we talked about the importance of keeping our focus on what we have instead of what we don't.  I may not have my old, longer hair, but today, I have hair. Crazy, curly, unruly hair. But hair. For that, I'm thankful. Really, truly thankful.

Golf & Tennis Weekend

On Saturday, Walt and I joined our friend Rich and Wendy golfing. It had been almost two years since I last golfed, and it wasn't something I was particularly good at. Golf was something I could do with Walt and friends. We go out with friends at least every year around Walt's birthday for 18 holes and dinner.When I got my port put in last year and I couldn't golf, all of sudden golf became elevated in my mind as something I really wanted to do. I thought about it often. Maybe I would even get good by just thinking about it. I wish I could say that, but it wouldn't be true. Instead, my day was full of shanks and slices, bad shots off the green, poor putts... BUT it was fun! Actually, it felt amazing. Healthy. Normal. I told Wendy that had I only focused practicing my short game during the months when I couldn't take a full golf swing, I'd have been pretty good by now. Instead, I'm the same mediocre golfer that I was before...but that's fine with me.

On Sunday, Walt and I were lazing around, enjoying the down time with the kids busy with friends, when I became inspired to try out tennis. We talked the boys and their friends into going up to the high school with us, to get them off the computer and out in the beautiful sunshine. I think it had been even longer since I played tennis, but that came back pretty quickly. My shots were pretty inconsistent and Walt smoked me, but it was such a blast playing again. I felt athletic, even though I tired quickly. I felt strong, even though my returns didn't have the pop I'd hope for. I felt a little more like my old self. When we got home, I jumped on Becca's bike for a quick trip around the neighborhood. I hadn't been on a bike since chemo knocked off my balance, so being on that bike was a milestone of sorts, too.

 On Monday, I took the boys out to play tennis again. Ben got frustrated quickly. He likes to hit the ball hard and overshot the court most of the time. Nathan, who had played a bit last year, caught on really quickly. We made the mistake of playing on our neighborhood court and lost too many balls because of the short fence. When Becca called to see if I could take her and her friends shopping, we decided we had enough of tennis in the hot sun. While we were out shopping, I picked up a bunch of tennis balls for my next outing. So much to do! So many fun adventures to have! Bring on summer!  

Happy Independance Day

Walt, the boys, and I went up to Glacier Peak this morning for a workout. Nathan is working on his personal fitness merit badge for Boy Scouts, which is also a good excuse for all of us to develop our own personal fitness. I can out-walk my boys, but they can outrun me (at least for now)! We warmed up with a light jog, did some pushups, sit ups, planks and dips. Then we ran a mile. I mostly walked it, Ben mostly ran it, Nathan ran the whole way--even though he's recovering from a bee sting on his foot--and Walt smoked us all. It was a fun way to start our 4th of July celebration. Then Walt took the kids to buy fireworks while I worked in the yard.

As I was pulling weeds, I thought back to last 4th of July. I was on steroids in preparation for chemo the next day. It would be my second round, and my taste for food had recovered. I remember being at our friends' house eating salads and salsa and fresh fruit, and enjoying every bite of it. I knew that starting tomorrow, I wouldn't feel like eating for a while. What a difference a year makes! I love that I do not have to go in for chemo tomorrow! However, I know that for some people, chemo marks their July 5th. My heart breaks for them. As I pulled weeds this morning, I prayed for them, whoever they are. I prayed that I would never have to go through it again, but know that I will follow God's plan, whatever that may be. In a book I'm reading, Anything by Jennie Allen, she quotes a girl named Rachel, who said, "You have to thank God for the seemingly good and the seemingly bad because really, you don't know the difference."

I know that the hardest things in my life brought me closer to God. Last summer I developed new friendships and deepened existing ones as they traveled alongside me on this journey. Going through the side effects of chemo allows me the ability to appreciate feeling good, being active, tasting foods. The hardest thing I've ever done in my life has defined the most beautiful things around me. And, it has given me more of God. That's why, no matter what happens, I know I can say, "I trust God."

Talk about freedom on Independence Day!

Starbucks

After Becca's orthodontic appointment today, we stopped at Starbucks. She sipped on a double chocolate chip frap and I relished an iced vanilla latte as we drove home. A memory of last summer's aversion to coffee flashed through my mind, which made me enjoy all the more the cool sweetness of today's latte. Most of my meals these days include a fresh salad, and I remember not being able to tolerate raw veggies last year at this time. Every food I eat, from the fresh picked strawberries delivered to my door, to the pupusas that my mother-in-law made for last night's dinner, help to lead me to thankfulness. Why would a piece of romaine do this? It's because last summer, I dreamt of the day I could have a salad. And a latte. And to eat raw broccoli without having my stomach rebel. Every day I can enjoy great food is a blessing. The good thing is you don't have to go through a summer of chemo to enjoy the blessings God has showered on us. It's all around us, to be sipped, tasted, enjoyed. Try it and see if life doesn't taste all the sweeter!