Day #3

Treatment #3 is finished. I feel like I'm starting to get the hang of this.  For my technicians today I had Nicole, who was the second tech from yesterday (this person assists with measurements and adjusting, then leaves while the first tech tells me when to hold my breath and runs the treatment), a new tech named Carol and a student named Chris. Aren't you impressed that I remembered their names?

After treatment, Carol asked if I had time to see the doctor today. I thought I only saw him on Monday, but I was curious why he would want to see me today. I told her I did, even though Nathan would be waiting for me back at Connections, our home school co-op. Becca and Ben were done with their classes and had gotten a ride home with the Sanders. Nathan had a class after lunch and I was hoping to get back about the time he was getting out of class to pick him up. Yet, I knew he would know to go hang out in the car with our friend, Wendy, who was his parent-in-charge while I was gone, and I called her to let her know I would be delayed.

I first saw the RN, Erika, and talked through my symptoms. I asked her if my fatigue would continue to get worse, and she said it shouldn't. It won't get better for 4-6 weeks after I'm done, but it shouldn't get worse. I told her that as long as I'm able to accomplish my daily duties with energy, I was okay with being tired by early evening. That was actually encouraging to me.

Then I saw Dr. Hunter. He just wanted to check in with me, see if I had any questions, and encourage me to continue doing what I was doing. He mentioned his statistics again, this time telling me I had a high 80s chance of no reccurence, and when I continue with Herceptin for the year, keep my weight in check and add Tamoxifin (which is a prescription drug I'll take for 5 years that suppresses estrogen in my body), we are looking at the low 90s. I was a bit confused because the last time we discussed this he was already talking about the low 90s, and then I realized that doing radiation brings me up to the high 80s and then if I faithfully stick to taking Tamoxifin and the other things, then I reach the 90s.

In my head, the percentages aren't important. Sure, I'm glad he's talking the high 80s-90s and not 50% or less, but it's still not 100%. Nothing in life really is 100%, The only thing that is 100% sure is that God will never leave me, no matter what happens with my cancer. I can do the best I can by getting exercise and trying to eat right and limiting my alcohol (all things Dr. Hunter stresses improve my chances of staying cancer-free), he can do the best he can with his personnel, equipment, experience and education to provide me with the best medical care possible, but the only place I can go where I am guaranteed eternal life is God. God can choose to keep me cancer free for decades and decades. God can choose to let the cancer return or give me some other illness. Some day, hopefully later than sooner, I will die. We all will. Because I have put my faith in Jesus Christ, I know that I will live in heaven with Him forever. I look at cancer as a means that God used for me to grow closer to Him,  to be blessed out of my socks by the kindnesses of people, to stretch my faith, and maybe even communicate what I believe and who God is to someone who never connected the dots in their own life before. I trust God because He has a bigger, better plan for my life than anything I could imagine, He knows how many days I have here on earth, and His love for me is wide and deep. He promises to never leave me nor forsake me. His ways are higher than my ways. He is 100% good, all the time, whether I understand what He is doing or not.  Those are the type of percentages I like.

After my meeting with Dr. Hunter, I picked up Nathan, made a quick trip to Target to get a brown shirt for his costume tonight, grabbed some pizzas at Papa Murphy's (where I think most of my neighbors also bought dinner), and got ready to go to our church's Big Fall Bash. Becca and Nathan had to be there earlier because they signed up to help for a shift, and they caught a ride with Wendy, who had stopped by briefly on her way to church. Ben was over at our neighbors, borrowing a realistic toy gun to go with his army costume. When he returned, we realized the furnace repairman's truck was blocking us in. Yes, we finally got a guy out to look at our furnace and we have heat! Once he left, I ran Ben to the church, said hi to a few people, and then came home. Walt went back to pick up the kids. I think they just got home. It was nice to have a bit of quiet tonight (especially after we turned out the light to the trick-or-treaters), and head to bed early. Tomorrow is another busy day, which of course, includes another trip to the hospital.

Radiation #2

Today was day #2 for radiation. I took this picture because it looks pretty ominous as I walk up the hall for my appointment. There are signs all over saying, "Danger" or "Construction Only."  The waiting room is really nice, so maybe I'll have a chance tomorrow to take a picture of that. I had just arrived in the waiting room, reaching in my purse for my camera, when the technologist called my name. The tech I had today was the second one from yesterday, plus I had another one to help get me lined up on the table exactly. I really need to get their names. I was told that Dr. Hunter saw the film yesterday and liked how my heart looked when I did my breathing. She said they'll take a film every day to make sure my heart stays out of the way. I then breezed through the treatment. Then I put on lotion, changed clothes and checked my watch. All done in about 12 minutes.

I made sure I took a walk before my treatment today since I prepared to be tired again afterwards and knew it would be easier to not want to walk. I made it through the hills in my neighborhood pretty well today.  I am pretty tired now, though. I really don't know if it's the result of low red blood cells, the busyness of adding this extra daily trip to the hospital, the effects of radiation on my cells, or a combination of all. It's probably the latter, along with a bit of emotion thrown in. It's still hard to think of doing this every day. As long as I just take it one day at a time, I think I won't get so overwhelmed. Tomorrow should work out well as  the church where we have our home school classes is just one exit away from the hospital.  Becca and Ben will go home after their last class with our friends the Sanders, Nathan has a class after lunch, so while I head to the hospital, he'll stay at the church for that. If it goes as smoothly as today, I should be back to the church before his class is out.

Radiation Day 1

Here is what 35 radiation appointments look like on paper. One down...34 to go

While the technician went to get my warm blankets, I took a quick picture of the radiation equipment. I lie on the bed, with my arms above my head, and the machine then comes to me, rotating around me at four different angles.

I don't remember being this nervous before chemo. I think because I am required to breath in during the treatment to move my heart away, I feel extra pressure to do it right.  During chemo, I just sat there while the drugs and the nurse did all the work.

Before heading out to my appointment, I picked up my Praying Through Cancer devotional that my cousin Debbie sent me in a care package after my first chemo. I've read through the book already and now just open it up randomly to reread something. Today, I fell on this verse: He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge. Psalm 91:4

I then drove to the hospital, and since it wasn't rush hour, the traffic was a breeze. I sat in the parking lot and reminded myself that God will cover me with His feathers and I will be safe there. I realized that it wasn't up to me whether my heart would be safe, but I could trust that God would protect not only it, but all of me.

Most of today's appointment involved getting me lined up exactly on the table. The machine was positioned at different angles and everything was recorded. As I lay there, I thought how detailed-oriented someone in this job would need to be. Then the technicians left the room (there were two to do the positioning). For the rest of the procedure, I just had one technician, the same one who did my simulation. (I'll need to get her name if I have her every time.) She instructed me over the speakers to hold my breath and when I could let it out. I had to do the breathing and pictures were taken. From those, she checked again to make sure everything was lined up where it was supposed to be. She had to adjust the table remotely. I'm glad she warned me that this could happen as it felt like a mild earthquake happened suddenly. After everything was precisely to the millimeter right, I was ready for the actual radiation treatment. She announced over the speakers that I could hold my breath to the blue line when I was ready for treatment. I breathed in so hard that I surpassed the blue line. Each time she asked me to breath in, it seemed easier to do it exactly right. It's really not complicated. I knew that in my head during my simulation, but I built it up to be more than it was as I anticipated actual treatment. The technician said I did the breathing perfectly for my first time. I know it was God who helped me to relax and get through my first treatment.

I then got to get back into my normal clothes and went to meet with a nurse. She gave me samples of a lotion to try. She also had a printout of things to do and not do and included a picture of the area on my chest that is being treated.  I would meet with Dr. Hunter each Monday, but if I needed to ask a nurse or the doctor a question, I could call at anytime or ask to see someone when I'm there for appointments. Then she said she'd see me tomorrow. Tomorrow. And the next day...for 34 more times.

How am I feeling? I'm really tired. I felt tired as I got into my car in the parking lot. Fatigue is a side effect, but I didn't anticipate it setting in so quickly. I wonder if it isn't more of a combination of my nerves putting undo stress on my body coupled with the anemia I already have than any effect of the radiation at this point. I asked my nurse if the fatigue came from the loss of red blood cells, and she said it's more the fact that they are burning cells from within. My body then reacts to this and puts its energy into repairing those cells. That makes sense. But, Dr. Hunter was right when he said the fatigue will be nothing like chemo fatigue. Whatever  I am feeling right now has to multiple by so much more to equal what I felt on the first day of chemo...which usually wasn't my worst day of fatigue. But, I am tired, and I will need to work around that in my schedule.

I better end now. I'm off to an early bedtime. Tomorrow morning I have one of my rare mornings at home with the kids and I want to be able to get as much done with them as I can before I head out for day two. Plus, Nathan is eager to snag my laptop to play a game with his brother and sister before they head to bed.

Sunday Night

I got this great hat from my friends Pam and Krista for my birthday last month. It is the perfect hat for fall. This morning, as we were getting ready for church, I got into the picture-taking mood.

 Here I am with Nathan and Ben and their blue striped shirts

My sister Cindy and I 

Cindy came to visit for the weekend. She and my niece Nicole took me out to dinner to celebrate the end of chemo on Saturday. I wish I had thought to bring my camera to the restaurant. We had so much fun. Even though it was the third time I ordered fish tacos at this restaurant, I don't remember them ever tasting this good. It's great to enjoy food again. 

When we got home, Walt and I taught Cindy how to play Mexican Train dominoes. We only lasted a few rounds before I had to call it quits because I was tired. Most nights I am ready for bed by 8 or 9 pm. (Not sure why I'm still up writing this at 10:23...)

I actually need to go take a bath right before I head to bed. With my pains in my muscles, I have enjoyed soaking in warm water and Epsom salts. I start radiation tomorrow, and I think I'll need to avoid baths. My skin will be very delicate and I want to try to protect it as much as possible. So, tonight will be the last bath in several weeks...

When Cindy came, she delivered a gift from my siblings and my dad. Every one sent Cindy checks, she cashed them, and gave me an envelope of cash. She said Patty had the great idea to help pay for gas to and from the hospital for my daily trips for the next seven weeks. I was touched beyond words at their thoughtfulness. I haven't even counted how much it is, but the envelope is thick and full of 20s.  What a great family I have! I am blessed.

In anticipation of my radiation tomorrow, I was thinking about the need to hold my breath to move my heart away from harm. I think God orchestrated this so I would keep my mind on Him while I was undergoing the procedure. When I hold my breath, I am going to trust that God will hold my heart and protect it from any damage. Just like He's walked the other parts of this journey with me, I know He will be with me during radiation.

I hope to find time tomorrow to post how my first radiation treatment went... Until then, I'm off to take my last bath...

Just When I Thought I Was Better...

My stomach is having troubles. It's probably because of all the fresh, raw vegetables I've been eating lately. Yesterday at lunch I put together the most amazing salad, full of greens, avocados, tomatoes, broccoli, and carrots. I was eating it, thinking how decadent it tasted, but then realized it was a salad and good for me. Well, I was wrong and had a long night with a stomach ache as a result.

Fortunately, I met with my naturopath today. She said at this point in my recovery, I should continue to be careful about eating raw veggies. The chemo has disrupted a lot of things in my GI tract. When I eat raw vegetables, my stomach has to essentially cook them to digest them. For now, she encouraged me to take a less-is-more approach to raw veggies. It's hard to think that something that is so good for me can also be bad. But, if I can prevent another long night, I will try. A salad full of greens will probably be okay for me, but the harder to digest veggies (like raw broccoli  carrots, cauliflower) should be added in slowly as I recover.  She also mentioned that during the winter months, it's normally easier on our bodies to have only about 20-30% of our vegetables raw since our bodies are working hard on dealing with the dark and the colder temperatures. I see a lot of soups in my future.

My naturopath prescribed some more supplements for my recovery. When I'm done with my B6 vitamins (which will help with my neuropathy recovery), I'll switch over to a multi-vitamin. Then she suggested a supplement to help with my immunity, and another one that will help with my muscle aches and to support my health through radiation. (I won't bore you with their names.) She also gave me a sample of a fish oil supplement to see how I do with it and recommended Melatonin at a high dose which also boosts immunity and inhibits cancer cell growth. When I first went to see her, I was hesitant to take many pills. Now after chemo, knowing how effective it was at tearing down my immunity and wreaking havoc on my blood counts, I am willing to do as much as I can to help rebuild my body.

I'm heading out for a quick walk with Sugar. Fresh air always makes me feel better. I need to get out there before it gets too dark, and that happens really fast out here in Washington.

Quick Health Update

This is going to be a quick update on how I am. I am eating salads again. (Yeah!) Food, for the most part, tastes pretty normal. I'm working hard at choosing healthy foods, but I'm not always successful since everything looks and tastes so good. I haven't tried coffee yet, but I am enjoying tea and hot water again. With the chilly weather and no heat in our house (our furnace is broken and the repairman can't come out until the 31st), hot beverages are such a blessing!

On my Monday walk, I felt pretty strong, able to keep up with my friends while they cooled down after a run. (I walked with them after they ran for a half an hour at a quick pace...I still felt good about keeping up although it was probably a slow pace for them.) Yesterday I walked Sugar with Ben, making it up a big hill in our neighborhood. Then I walked with Becca to say hi to our friends who are moving into our neighborhood. After a quick peek at their backyard and chat,  I climbed back up to our house as fast as I could manage (it wasn't very pretty--I still walk a bit off balance, especially when I hurry) trying to get home on time to take Nathan to his soccer practice. Those hills did me in. Today, I am sore. I managed a few laps around the parking lot at Connections,  but with the rain and my stiffness, I decided to take it easy. I'll be back trying to build up strength again tomorrow. It'll be nice to get some more red blood cells, but I'm not sure how long that's going to take.

Yesterday I had my screening echo appointment. I think if the cardiologist had discovered something wrong with my heart, I would have heard something today. No news, especially in the medical world, is usually good news.

Tomorrow will be my first Thursday since June 14th that I am not making a trip to the hospital. Thursday, other than my usual day for chemo, was also the day I got weekly Herceptin. Since I get Herceptin every three weeks now (and I moved my appointments to Friday), I get to spend the morning at home with the kids. I think I'll make them something fun for breakfast. Then I get to be the one to take them to and from their lit co-op. It's the little things like this that I've come to enjoy. Next week I'll be able to take them to co-op, but they'll need to catch a ride home since I'll be heading out for my radiation appointment before their classes are done. Again, I know I've said this before but it deserves to be repeated, I am so thankful for the kindness of my friends who are willing to step in the gap for me during this journey.

The other good thing I'm experiencing is sleep. The chemo drugs produced fatigueand interestingly enough, insomnia. It's hard to wrap my brain around how both can co-exist in my body, but they did. Now when I go to bed each night, (usually before ten...which I'm coming up to my bedtime quickly right now), I feel confident I'll sleep through the night. The days of waking up at 3 or 4 and not being able to go back to sleep seem to be over, at least for now. Every time I wake up to my alarm, or just before, I'm thankful that I got in the sleep my body needs. Hopefully quality sleep and good food will work together in building back my red blood cells. I can only wait in anticipation to the day I can tackle those hills on my walk without pain.

Radiation Simulation Appointment

What did I do on my first Friday after chemo? I got a tattoo! In case any of you are thinking of doing such thing, I highly discourage it! Those needles hurt! Now, before any of you wonder if chemo brain has really set in and I've really lost it, my tattoos--two little pinpricks--came during my radiation simulation today. Besides my scars, I will forever have a reminder of this journey, marked with permanent ink.

I was nervous about this appointment. Even though I hated chemo, I really enjoy the people at the cancer center and I knew what to expect. This is a brand new adventure for me. Of course, I didn't need to worry. The people over there are amazing. I arrived a few minutes early for my appointment, not sure how long it was going to take me to find the right place inside all the construction on that side of the hospital. I  poked my head into a waiting area and asked where I was supposed to go for my radiation simulation. The same sweet lady I met when I visited the resource center and got my wig last spring told me I was at the right place. She was working on a puzzle with another volunteer. She told me everyone was still at lunch and to wait here and someone would come get me. It seemed a bit strange to not actually check in with someone, but I trusted her. As I sat, a few more people showed up for their appointments. Everyone was so friendly and the atmosphere so welcoming. One lady was down to her final 10 appointments and told me they went faster than she would have ever thought. Another lady had only two to go and was sort of complaining about having to come 30 times. I mentioned that I thought I was going to come 35 time and the volunteer lady said that she's seen people with over 40 visits. With a smile on her face, this lady turned to her husband and said, "I guess I shouldn't have been complaining."

As I waited to be called, I started getting nervous again. Several people came and went, and I continued to sit. I felt like I should be checking in with someone, but I didn't know where to ask. With the construction, there wasn't a front reception desk, and the volunteer ladies had left by then.  Finally, about 25 minutes late, a technician came into the waiting room and asked if I was Linda. She said they hadn't known I was there! I told her I suspected I needed to check in with someone, but the volunteers assured me that I was fine. She said they probably didn't know what a first-time patient was supposed to do.  She then showed me where I would get changed every day, pulling out a gown with three arm holes (joking that I would grow an extra arm by the time I was finished). I actually figured out how to put on the gown with the three holes from her description, and she told me that only happened about 1% of the time. (They like to use percentages in radiation, I've discovered.)

I then went into the simulation room. The technology is  very impressive. The tech explained what was going to happen, including a brief description of a special breathing technique that I would need to use  if my heart was in the radiation area. She assured me, however, that this was only necessary about 25% of the time. Dr. Hunter came in and drew all over my chest, marking where the technician would tape on wires and place my tattoos. He also said that even though I am most likely cured at this point, going through radiation decreases my chances of getting a recurrence in this breast by 40%. (See what I mean about the percentages?)  Then my bed was rolled into the scanner, which, of course, indicated that a small part of my heart was in the radiation zone.  Because I am one of the 25 percenters, I get to learn about some cool technology (a home school mom's dream). To set up the computer for my breathing, she placed a small box on my stomach and goggles on my head. The goggles monitored the box as it rose and fell when I breathed normally. Then I was asked to take a deep breath. I did that a couple of times for the computer to read how high the box moved.  The computer then created a blue line which I see inside my goggles. When I take my breath, I need to breath in until I reach the blue line on the screen and hold there. This moves my heart out of the way. It's pretty easy and pretty amazing.

I was then given my schedule. I go in every day at 1:40 p.m., starting on October 29th and ending on December 17th. I get the weekends off. The first radiation appointment will take about 30 minutes, but after that, it will be much shorter. I will meet with Dr. Hunter weekly to discuss how things are going. I also will meet with a nurse who will monitor my skin and offer free samples of lotions to try if my skin starts to burn. I asked the technician if she knew of something I could use now to prep my skin, and she recommended pure aloe vera. Since I didn't have any other questions, that was it for my simulation appointment.

Now, I have a week off--well not off, since I have at least one appointment next week--before I start radiation. It will be a challenge going every day, but the atmosphere there is so friendly, I can see how easily it will be to make friends. Traffic to and from should be pretty easy, since it's not during rush hour, and it should fit around the kids' homeschooling schedule as well. (Thanks to my friend Tiffany, who is moving into my neighborhood this month, and my friend Krista who are willing to give my kids rides.)  It feels good to get things set up and know more of what to expect for the next eight weeks. (A piece of cake compared to chemo.)

1st Non-Chemo Day!

My devotional today began by reminding me to go gently through the day, keeping my eyes on God...I thought as I read this, I should have a pretty easy day. After all, today is my first post-chemo appointment. I would get Herceptin, but not the toxic drugs I got on my chemo days. I did have a mammogram scheduled, but because Dr. Hunter encouraged me to not worry about it, I haven't been.

As I went through my day, I could see why keeping my eyes on Jesus who was shepherding me through my day was an important reminder. I noticed last night a slight swelling in  both ankles. I talked with Dr. Kohn about this and she thought it was related to anemia (low red blood cells), but since I was scheduled for an echo on my heart at the end of the month, that she would recommend moving it up a couple of weeks to make sure it's not related to problems with my heart. (This was not unexpected for God, who already knows about my heart and I'm trusting Him with the results.) We also talked about the problems I'm having walking, the weakness and the pain, especially when I walk up hills and stairs. Unless the echo proves differently, she thinks it's all related to the anemia. When I asked her how long I can expect before my blood count normalizes, she said it could be weeks and even months. She doesn't know of any vitamins or nutrition that will help speed up the recovery. She is still recommending not pushing through the pain of my muscles until I start recovering, which she said I'll know when it happens. Then I can increase my exercising. I miss my long walks, but I'll wait for God's timing. I am trying to be very careful with my diet now, especially since I'm not burning as many calories as when I was walking more. My stomach is feeling good, and as I slowly introduce raw veggies back into my diet, I am not developing any new pains or problems.  

After getting Herceptin and a quick trip to  Trader Joe's, I went back to the hospital for my six-month mammogram. As I was checking in, a lady who looked like she was in her 30s hovered behind me. When the receptionist asked if she could help her, she said her doctor had just faxed an order for a mammogram and she was in shock. Oh, my heart broke for her. I certainly hope whatever the doctor felt turns up benign,  and I prayed for her as I waited. When I went in for my mammogram, the tech informed me that my right breast would also be screened. She said that the radiologist wanted to monitor a benign cyst on my right side as well as do the followup screening on the breast that had the cancer. All of a sudden, this easy mammogram that I wasn't worrying about became a bigger deal.  What if something shows on my right side? Then I remembered the devotional this morning and knew God was walking this with me.  After my mammogram, I was asked to sit in the waiting room while the radiologist looked at my films. This brought back so many memories and fears from sitting in this waiting room last April. Back then, I didn't know I had cancer. Once I learned that, of course, my life would never be the same again. What if something came back abnormal and I had to go through a biopsy again? I reminded myself that God was with me. My sister-in-law offered to have her bible study group pray for my mammogram results today, and I told her I really wasn't worried. As I was sitting in the waiting room, I wish I had people praying for me.  I also reminded myself that God was hearing my prayers. When the tech came to get me, she pulled me into a room and before my mind could formulate a question about what this meant, she said that everything was fine. I do have slight calcifications around the clip they placed where they biopsied, but that was not unexpected. It would just be monitored in six months, my normal followup. As I was getting dressed, I let the tears of thankfulness flow and praised God.

I'm heading out the door in a  minute to take Nathan to his soccer practice, swing back by the stables where I dropped Becca off for her lesson earlier, then head back to Nathan's practice to retrieve him... I am overjoyed that I get to do this today! These are normal things that I needed help with during the week or so after chemo. Today I would have come back tired, anticipating the nausea and fatigue to hit hard in the next days. Yet, this weekend I get to clean house, watch Ben's soccer game, make cookies for a memorial service, support my friends who just lost their father and grandfather...all the normal life things that I missed when I was undergoing chemo. Tomorrow will be my first day I've gone longer than 21 days between chemos. Although I don't feel 100% with my aches and pains, I'll take it over nausea any day. Just as God promised and my devotional reminded me this morning, "When the road before you looks rocky, you can trust Me to get you through that rough patch. My presence enables you to face each day with confidence." Amen!

Sunday

 I loved being in church this morning. (Missing several Sundays during chemo makes me appreciate being in church all the more.) Our pastor preached an excellent sermon on suffering. What's important about suffering? It's the fact that Jesus never leaves us, that it's always for a season and has a purpose.. Satan likes to use times of suffering to whisper in our ears to get us to question God and His love for us... How do we answer Satan?  Remember 2 Corinthians 4: 18: 

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.  

Great stuff!

For the most part, I'm feeling better. My stomach, in particular, feels almost normal. My taste is coming back gradually. I was craving a salad yesterday but decided not to push my stomach with the raw veggies, so I had leftover squash instead.  Today I forgot I still have to be careful about food. I went to a luncheon and was all finished with my sandwich before I remembered I'm not supposed to eat uncooked lunch meat. It was too late by then, so I hope that doesn't come back to haunt me. My mind has progressed to the next step, radiation, that I forget that I'm still recovering from this chemo cycle. At least this weekend I'm not dreading my next round. Next Thursday will be almost fun to go in and just receive Herceptin without the more toxic drugs. Then the next day, Friday, will be my first Friday not in a chemo cycle since June..  I can't wait!

The main side effect I am suffering from at present is muscle pain and weakness. I can walk pretty well on flat ground, but hills and steps do me in. Tonight Walt and I took a walk through our neighborhood, and I overestimated my ability to manage the hills. We walked a little too far and I struggled on the way home. All summer long, when I got to this point in my cycle,  I was easily able to walk several miles over hilly terrain. These last cycles, however,  have affected my muscles. I suspect my red blood counts are low and my muscles aren't receiving the oxygen they need.  When I need to open a jar, I call on one of the kids to do it for me since I don't have the strength in my hands, either. I plan on asking the doctor on Thursday how long it might be before my blood count recovers.

The boys got to have three friends spend the night last night. It was the first sleepover at our house that any of the kids have had since at least June. This family has  helped us so many times, letting our boys sleep over there, driving them to practices and games when we were stuck at the doctor's or I wasn't feeling well. It felt good to be able to help them out by having their younger boys here so they could go out on a date last night, and even though it wasn't necessary, let their boys spend the night. It's a sign that things are starting to return to normal around here.

Of course, I still have radiation to go through. On Friday, I have my simulation scheduled. Here I'll get  measured and lined up precisely. Then my doctor will figure out the exact dosage of radiation and time frame required. .I hope he isn't going to recommend longer than seven weeks, but we'll cross that bridge if it's required.

On this Sunday night, I'm grateful. Grateful that I got to see both boys' soccer games this weekend. The rainy weather has hit us finally this fall, and it was cold and wet. It was still fun to cheer on both boys to victory. We came home from Nathan's game to watch the tape of the great Seahawks victory over the Patriots. The kids are all finished with homework and we're ready for a new week. Only two trips to the hospital for me this week (down from three last week). I think it's going to be a good week.

Much Better Monday

Considering last Monday I was at the hospital getting two liters of fluids, waking up today with a bit of energy easily made it a better day. My stomach, which started having problems on Friday, still  is upset off and on,  but I think is getting better.  I took a few laps around the parking lot at our home school co-op while the kids were in classes this morning and felt okay.  I haven't bounced back as quickly as I've done on previous cycles where I could manage a two- or three-mile walk at this point.  The good thing is I have more time to recover this time, with no new cycle lingering in the future. I'm done!!! Okay, I don't think it's fully hit me since I've been so preoccupied with trying to feel better, but each day that I get past my last treatment, I know I'll appreciate it more.

Walt and I also had a meeting with my radiation oncologist, Dr. Hunter, this afternoon. He was the first doctor we met with after getting the cancer diagnosis. The first thing he said when he came into the room was "Congratulations on completing chemo! You've gotten through the hard part of your treatment." The second thing he said was I increased my chance of not having a recurrence of cancer to over 90%. He then mentioned again ways I can improve those odds even more, like not gaining weight, walking 30 minutes five days a week, and taking the estrogen-suppressing drug faithfully (which I think I start once I'm finished with radiation treatments). He then talked about radiation, which is my next step in the journey. Because there is a good chance that I might have undetectable cancer cells still lingering in the breast tissue where the probability of recurrence is the greatest, radiation will kill any of those.  He said that since it's so targeted, I will most likely not even get a bad skin reaction. We scheduled the screening appointment for Friday the 19th. My daily radiation will begin at the end of October. While fatigue is a probable side effect, he agreed that it won't be anything like chemo fatigue, so my life will be a bit easier from this point forward. Each appointment will only be about 15 minutes, but the hard part will be the daily trip into the hospital for about seven weeks. 

As we discussed my prognosis further, one sobering comment he made was, because of the aggressive nature of my cancer, a generation ago he would have been talking a death sentence for me. Her2 positive cancer used to indicate a high occurrence of metastasis (spreading to other areas of the body like the brain or a lung) where there is no longer a chance of getting rid of the cancer. Herceptin targets the Her2 cancer cells, prevents them from reproducing, and alerts the body's immune system to kill them. That's why I've been having weekly infusions of Herceptin during chemo, and then will go in every three weeks until next June.  The bottom line, no matter how inconvenient it is, I'm thankful that I have this treatment available to me that wasn't a possibility less than 10 years ago. 

Walt mentioned that I had a mammogram scheduled for next week, and Dr. Hunter said it was just diagnostic. In all his years of cancer treatment, he hasn't seen a mammogram revealing more cancer at this point in treatment. He said that was definitely not something to worry about. The highest chance of recurrence are in the first few years, and he said that we've already passed the halfway mark in the first year. He kept encouraging us that, since I caught the cancer early and endured chemo, and if I continue to do the things needed to stay healthy,  that I will more likely die of old age than cancer. 

Because of knowing someone who had  breast cancer spread to her brain and hearing of so many other stories of how cancer can come back, I've been thinking too much on that lately. It's probably because I haven't been feeling well and spending too much time thinking. While Dr. Hunter didn't tell me that he was 100% positive that I wouldn't get cancer again, he spoke very directly that the odds are definitely in my favor. Sometimes cancer is known as "the Big C," but as menacing and dangerous as it is, it is really "the little c" compared to the real "Big C," Jesus Christ. We serve a big God who has unlimited power at His disposal. As I go through radiation and then all the follow up screenings, my eyes need to stay focused on Who has the ultimate power to heal. All the prayers said on my behalf from countless people all over this country aren't going to waste. God has been answering those prayers, and I have confidence that I can trust Him with the rest of my life.

So, that's what's happening as I close out this Monday. Life is good and only getting better. Now, if we could only figure out what is causing that horrible smell coming from our refrigerator... well, that's a story for another day. 

Wednesday Muck

I was hoping I'd feel better today, but I am still feeling pretty wiped out. I had hoped to run an errand today, but instead I spent the day on the couch. I haven't even gone out for a walk yet, since I still get winded walking up and down the stairs. Tomorrow Walt goes back to work, and I head back into the hospital for my weekly Herceptin and probably more fluids. This last week seems to go on and on, but it's probably because I'm ready for it to be over. Please pray that I have a good night's sleep and wake up with more energy tomorrow. I know that this, too, will end, and I'll feel better before long. Whenever I get in the middle of this muck, I feel like it's never going to end, but it does. I'm just hoping it starts tomorrow!

The Last of the Yucky Mondays

While my dear friends pitched in to make sure my kids got to their home school classes this morning, Walt took me to the hospital for fluids. Each time my symptoms seem a little worse. Today, it took two liters of fluids and five hours for my vitals to stabilize enough for me to go home. I feel quite a bit better tonight, but we'll go back in again for another liter tomorrow. I'm so thankful that Walt took through Wednesday off this week so I didn't have to scramble for a ride. All I can think is, this is my last Monday after chemo!! Next Monday I'll feel better, and each Monday after that will be even better! I know I'll have sick days, I'll have days that I don't want to face, but I plan on doing my best to embrace each Monday as a gift, all the more valuable because of the price paid for having an ordinary Monday.