Day #3

Treatment #3 is finished. I feel like I'm starting to get the hang of this.  For my technicians today I had Nicole, who was the second tech from yesterday (this person assists with measurements and adjusting, then leaves while the first tech tells me when to hold my breath and runs the treatment), a new tech named Carol and a student named Chris. Aren't you impressed that I remembered their names?

After treatment, Carol asked if I had time to see the doctor today. I thought I only saw him on Monday, but I was curious why he would want to see me today. I told her I did, even though Nathan would be waiting for me back at Connections, our home school co-op. Becca and Ben were done with their classes and had gotten a ride home with the Sanders. Nathan had a class after lunch and I was hoping to get back about the time he was getting out of class to pick him up. Yet, I knew he would know to go hang out in the car with our friend, Wendy, who was his parent-in-charge while I was gone, and I called her to let her know I would be delayed.

I first saw the RN, Erika, and talked through my symptoms. I asked her if my fatigue would continue to get worse, and she said it shouldn't. It won't get better for 4-6 weeks after I'm done, but it shouldn't get worse. I told her that as long as I'm able to accomplish my daily duties with energy, I was okay with being tired by early evening. That was actually encouraging to me.

Then I saw Dr. Hunter. He just wanted to check in with me, see if I had any questions, and encourage me to continue doing what I was doing. He mentioned his statistics again, this time telling me I had a high 80s chance of no reccurence, and when I continue with Herceptin for the year, keep my weight in check and add Tamoxifin (which is a prescription drug I'll take for 5 years that suppresses estrogen in my body), we are looking at the low 90s. I was a bit confused because the last time we discussed this he was already talking about the low 90s, and then I realized that doing radiation brings me up to the high 80s and then if I faithfully stick to taking Tamoxifin and the other things, then I reach the 90s.

In my head, the percentages aren't important. Sure, I'm glad he's talking the high 80s-90s and not 50% or less, but it's still not 100%. Nothing in life really is 100%, The only thing that is 100% sure is that God will never leave me, no matter what happens with my cancer. I can do the best I can by getting exercise and trying to eat right and limiting my alcohol (all things Dr. Hunter stresses improve my chances of staying cancer-free), he can do the best he can with his personnel, equipment, experience and education to provide me with the best medical care possible, but the only place I can go where I am guaranteed eternal life is God. God can choose to keep me cancer free for decades and decades. God can choose to let the cancer return or give me some other illness. Some day, hopefully later than sooner, I will die. We all will. Because I have put my faith in Jesus Christ, I know that I will live in heaven with Him forever. I look at cancer as a means that God used for me to grow closer to Him,  to be blessed out of my socks by the kindnesses of people, to stretch my faith, and maybe even communicate what I believe and who God is to someone who never connected the dots in their own life before. I trust God because He has a bigger, better plan for my life than anything I could imagine, He knows how many days I have here on earth, and His love for me is wide and deep. He promises to never leave me nor forsake me. His ways are higher than my ways. He is 100% good, all the time, whether I understand what He is doing or not.  Those are the type of percentages I like.

After my meeting with Dr. Hunter, I picked up Nathan, made a quick trip to Target to get a brown shirt for his costume tonight, grabbed some pizzas at Papa Murphy's (where I think most of my neighbors also bought dinner), and got ready to go to our church's Big Fall Bash. Becca and Nathan had to be there earlier because they signed up to help for a shift, and they caught a ride with Wendy, who had stopped by briefly on her way to church. Ben was over at our neighbors, borrowing a realistic toy gun to go with his army costume. When he returned, we realized the furnace repairman's truck was blocking us in. Yes, we finally got a guy out to look at our furnace and we have heat! Once he left, I ran Ben to the church, said hi to a few people, and then came home. Walt went back to pick up the kids. I think they just got home. It was nice to have a bit of quiet tonight (especially after we turned out the light to the trick-or-treaters), and head to bed early. Tomorrow is another busy day, which of course, includes another trip to the hospital.