Radiation Day 1

Here is what 35 radiation appointments look like on paper. One down...34 to go

While the technician went to get my warm blankets, I took a quick picture of the radiation equipment. I lie on the bed, with my arms above my head, and the machine then comes to me, rotating around me at four different angles.

I don't remember being this nervous before chemo. I think because I am required to breath in during the treatment to move my heart away, I feel extra pressure to do it right.  During chemo, I just sat there while the drugs and the nurse did all the work.

Before heading out to my appointment, I picked up my Praying Through Cancer devotional that my cousin Debbie sent me in a care package after my first chemo. I've read through the book already and now just open it up randomly to reread something. Today, I fell on this verse: He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge. Psalm 91:4

I then drove to the hospital, and since it wasn't rush hour, the traffic was a breeze. I sat in the parking lot and reminded myself that God will cover me with His feathers and I will be safe there. I realized that it wasn't up to me whether my heart would be safe, but I could trust that God would protect not only it, but all of me.

Most of today's appointment involved getting me lined up exactly on the table. The machine was positioned at different angles and everything was recorded. As I lay there, I thought how detailed-oriented someone in this job would need to be. Then the technicians left the room (there were two to do the positioning). For the rest of the procedure, I just had one technician, the same one who did my simulation. (I'll need to get her name if I have her every time.) She instructed me over the speakers to hold my breath and when I could let it out. I had to do the breathing and pictures were taken. From those, she checked again to make sure everything was lined up where it was supposed to be. She had to adjust the table remotely. I'm glad she warned me that this could happen as it felt like a mild earthquake happened suddenly. After everything was precisely to the millimeter right, I was ready for the actual radiation treatment. She announced over the speakers that I could hold my breath to the blue line when I was ready for treatment. I breathed in so hard that I surpassed the blue line. Each time she asked me to breath in, it seemed easier to do it exactly right. It's really not complicated. I knew that in my head during my simulation, but I built it up to be more than it was as I anticipated actual treatment. The technician said I did the breathing perfectly for my first time. I know it was God who helped me to relax and get through my first treatment.

I then got to get back into my normal clothes and went to meet with a nurse. She gave me samples of a lotion to try. She also had a printout of things to do and not do and included a picture of the area on my chest that is being treated.  I would meet with Dr. Hunter each Monday, but if I needed to ask a nurse or the doctor a question, I could call at anytime or ask to see someone when I'm there for appointments. Then she said she'd see me tomorrow. Tomorrow. And the next day...for 34 more times.

How am I feeling? I'm really tired. I felt tired as I got into my car in the parking lot. Fatigue is a side effect, but I didn't anticipate it setting in so quickly. I wonder if it isn't more of a combination of my nerves putting undo stress on my body coupled with the anemia I already have than any effect of the radiation at this point. I asked my nurse if the fatigue came from the loss of red blood cells, and she said it's more the fact that they are burning cells from within. My body then reacts to this and puts its energy into repairing those cells. That makes sense. But, Dr. Hunter was right when he said the fatigue will be nothing like chemo fatigue. Whatever  I am feeling right now has to multiple by so much more to equal what I felt on the first day of chemo...which usually wasn't my worst day of fatigue. But, I am tired, and I will need to work around that in my schedule.

I better end now. I'm off to an early bedtime. Tomorrow morning I have one of my rare mornings at home with the kids and I want to be able to get as much done with them as I can before I head out for day two. Plus, Nathan is eager to snag my laptop to play a game with his brother and sister before they head to bed.