20 Years Together

20 years ago, this was Walt and I, February 10, 1996

On February 10, 2016, instead of celebrating with a night out, I spent the morning in the doctor's office, diagnosed with bronchitis. Walt brought in takeout from Panera and we hung out with the kids.  They are pretty good company.

The next day, I took Ben to the doctor. His cold started over a week ago, slowed him down for a couple of days, and after a couple more days of returning health, he suddenly became sick again, this time with a severe sore throat. We worried it was strep, and with a trip to Canada on the horizon, needed to get him checked out quickly. He did not have strep, but the doctor informed me that it looked like he contracted a second virus, another bad cold, and would be contagious for 3-4 days. Calling Walt on the way home, we both realized that it was best that Ben and I stay home from the trip. I caught a glimpse at Ben's expression, and would have given anything to protect him from the disappointment he felt at that moment.  He quickly rallied as we drove home, despite how miserable he felt. He's that kind of kid. 

When Walt and I walked down the aisle 20 years ago, we never could have imagined all that life had in store for us. Our biggest blessing has been our three kids. We have cried tears of anguish, and tears of joy. We had no idea how mad we could get or as proud. We have experienced countless sleepless nights, some when they were babies, and some now that they are teenagers.

We have traveled to El Salvador and  Canada, Virginia, Florida, California, Wisconsin, Arizona, Montana and Oregon. The smiling pictures from those trips hid the full story of what happened on various trips.  One of our kids might have had a crying fit on an airplane. Or a blown out diaper. Or had a temper tantrum, or ten. Fortunately, for every difficult time, we've enjoyed the amazing family moment, like riding the Thunder Mountain Railroad in Disneyland late at night while fireworks were blasting in the sky. We experienced the beauty of upstate New York, the fun of an Army football game overlooking the Hudson River, and the camaraderie of meeting Walt's classmates and families. We have also been lost late at night driving home from that trip with a sick kid in the back and needing to wake up our family for directions back to their place in Virginia. There have been meltdowns and we- have-no-idea-whose-kid-this-is reactions. But those are part of our story.They have made us who we are as a family. We wouldn't change it for anything.

Traveling with teenagers is so much easier than small kids. They pack their own bags. They carry their own bags. They know how to entertain themselves on long airplane or car rides. Other than a few attitudes to keep Walt's and my parenting skills sharp, it is a pleasure to be with them.  Even though I am sick, I could have made the trip to Canada, throwing a few things together for me. I could have stayed back in the hotel or hung out in the lodge, sipping on tea and reading a book while they skied. I could have watched movies and napped when I needed it. I could have done it if Ben wasn't sick, too. He has been so miserable, too. So, God had other plans. Ben and I are home watching movies and taking care of Sugar, while Walt, Nathan and Becca get to spend time in the snow and fresh mountain air. That's life. This is part of God's story for our lives.  

In the past 20 years, we have endured job changes, address changes, nausea from three babies and six rounds of chemotherapy. We have experienced stitches and ear infections, strep throat twice, bronchitis twice, and lots of doses of the common cold. Most of these things are minor and we have been extremely blessed with good health. Even my cancer diagnosis could have been so much worse, and for that we are so thankful. As overwhelming as Walt's job seems to get, increasingly every year, God provides just enough because Walt will be the first to confess that he couldn't do it on his own.

When I look at the faces in the picture taken twenty years ago, I see excitement and love and promise of a beautiful marriage. Would I have wanted to know any of the things that we would experience in the next twenty years? No, of course not. As God clearly said in his word, "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own," That's the way God wants us to live, in the moment not storing up worries, fighting through the disappointments of the day so we are prepared for the joy of tomorrow. 

Would I have wanted a more meaningful anniversary? Less sickness, yes, but meaningful, no. Within the disappointment, we realize how well we have done the "in sickness and health" part of our vows, How much more we will appreciate a chance when we can arrange a get away for a couple of days when we can celebrate properly. How much more we know how to love and stand by each other through the good times and bad. How God provides just enough for us to get through each day. Those are meaningful notes on this 20th Anniversary. 

Laughing and enjoying life together

At our wedding, one of our friends sang a song that we thought had lovely words then, but now looking back at it 20 years later with all the years lived in between, the significance of the words jump off the page. Here are the last two stanzas of "How Can I Ask For More?" by Cindy Morgan.

So many things I thought would bring me happiness
Some dreams that are realities today
Such an irony the things that mean the most to me
Are the memories that I've made along the way

So if there's anything I've learned from this journey I am on
Simple truths will keep you going, simple love will keep you strong
'Cause there are questions without answers and flames that never die
And heartaches we go through are often blessings in disguise
So thank you, Lord, oh thank you, Lord
And yeah, how could I ask for more?