Kindness, Part 2

I've been feeling so well lately, I haven't had time to blog. It's been a good few days, full of shopping with the kids, long walks with friends, and even seeing the movie, Brave, with Becca and Ben. If it weren't for my lack of taste, heightened sense of smell and need for frequent hand washing to get rid of germs, I could easily forget I'm undergoing chemo. Of course, that will change on July 5th when I undergo my second treatment.

I've been thinking of the kindnesses of people lately. As I've mentioned before, I have several friends in the area who are willing to run kids to different activities, bring a meal or baked goods, go for a walk, have my kids over and include them in fun activities. My sister and niece took time off work and juggled their schedules to come over to cook and clean and spend time together.

I also have family and friends who are not here locally, but they have reached out to me and my family in meaningful, important ways. I remember when my sister in Wisconsin was undergoing surgery and I felt helpless, wanting to help but not sure how. I made a lame attempt at sending her a fruit and nut basket or something like that. Going through this, I've seen how God has gifted people in giving to others. That same sister sent me a package that included a journal, blank thank you cards, hand sanitizer, powdered drink mix, and a card with the song, "You've Got a Friend,"  to encourage me. It was such a practical, loving gift.

My sister-in-law also shows how much she cares from a far. She frequently emails that she is praying for me. She has sent several cards, my favorite with the words, "Impossible is God's favorite word." I keep that in my bible to remind me that God has things safely under control, even when I feel like I'm in a whirlwind. Her daughter, Hannah, prays for me at every meal. I can imagine her sweet voice, asking God to make Auntie Linda better, and I'm touched. My mother-in-law has also sent beautiful cards of encouragement. In fact, I've received cards from family, high school friends, long-time friends of Walt's family, homeschooling friends, church friends, friends from so many circles. I will often take out the basket where I store every card I've received, and with tears streaming down my cheeks, reread each one, and feel encouraged by the kindnesses of so many.

I'm still amazed at how people think of things to do for us. After coming home from my first chemo treatment, we had flowers and books with cards left on our doorstep. Last Saturday one of my friends dropped off a gift of new pajama bottoms and comfy shirts for "my hard days." From the first day of my diagnosis when a group of friends came over with flowers and a latte and we prayed and cried together, to postings on Facebook from all over the US, to phone calls and gift baskets, I am overwhelmed. And blessed. My only fear is I've forgotten to recognize the kind effort of someone. I haven't been good at sending out thank yous, but know that each and every kindness that people have shown us, every encouraging word and hug, every prayer spoken on our behalf, are cherished and so appreciated. My prayer for each of you who have touched us in countless ways is that you will feel as blessed as we feel because of you. Because of God. Thank you. It doesn't seem like it's enough, but it's all I have to tell you how much we appreciate it all.

Hope and Kindness

But we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not disappoint us... (Romans 5: 3-5)

Hope is an amazing thing.

It's been a hard road, these past few days, hating food, feeling sick, wondering how I was going to do this all over again. Plus, yesterday I was worried about going back in for my scheduled Hercepton infusion, worried that I would feel even sicker with the reminders of this place. With people praying, and the support of my sister, Cindy, I felt quite calm as I drove to the hospital. Because I was only supposed to be there for about an hour, they put me in a chair in a tiny room with another patient getting his infusions. Poor Cindy was stuck in a chair in a corner. 

My sister Cindy

The worst thing, though, was this other couple was having lunch, and talked about the food, and I heard them eating and smelled the soup, and it was making me feel sicker. So I looked at Cindy and said, "We have to talk about something fun." So we talked about books and books on tape and books about England and I can't  remember what, but it helped me get through the hard part. The reason we were waiting was I needed medicine to clear away clots that were preventing my port from working. The medicine would take an hour to work. So we waited.

Because this was going to take longer than expected, I was worried about getting Becca to her riding lesson on time. I called my friend Pam to see if she might be available to take her. I told her I could check back in an hour to see if we would be able to make it or not, but she told me not to worry, she had it handled. She would just take Becca whether I made it back or not. I got off the phone and cried. It's the kindness of people that reach the depth of my heart, people willing to drop whatever they had planned to help me out during this time. What an undescribable blessing!

Then my doctor came in and we talked about my nausea and diarrhea. I told her I kept thinking I was going to be better and wouldn't take the anti-nausea meds until it got pretty bad. It's part of my makeup, that I hate being dependent on medicine or fear taking too much, I guess. Anyway, she thinks it's the Taxotere that is causing me the nausea, and I should take the anti-nausea medicine twice a day, just to stay on top of it, through the rest of this weekend, at least. When the nausea gets bad, take the second medicine on top of it. In other words, it's okay to use the medicine! Then she talked about a game plan for next time, to add another, more powerful anti-nausea med and be more proactive with the ones I have. She kept saying, "It will be better."

I can't tell you how much those words meant. It will be better. This isn't all there is. Hope is an amazing thing, to pull you out of despair or weariness. To know that God is still there, that my suffering isn't going unnoticed. She also said that I had lost 12 pounds in a week...too much. So, she gave me some recipes for some protein shakes, and she said she'd have the nutritionist call me with some recipe ideas. Having Cindy here has been amazing in so many ways. She has some good ideas on how to pack some nutrition into something I can tolerate. She put together a banana, yogurt, chocolate (she sacrificed some of her dark chocolate I gave her for her birthday) almond butter smoothy that tasted pretty good (which was better than most things have tasted lately.) Then this morning she had an idea for a tropical smoothy with fresh pineapple, kiwi, whey protein... not sure what she put in it but it was delicious.

Today, fueled by hope and kindness (and anti-nausea meds and smoothies), I feel better than I've felt in a long time. I wish the sun was shining because I feel like taking a long walk today.

We also had a visit from Walt's Aunt Yolanda and Uncle Ricardo and his son, Raoul, on Wednesday night. Yolanda is about 2 1/2 years after her stage 4 breast cancer diagnosis and is from El Salvador. She had it on her heart to come up and encourage me, since they were in Corvallis, OR for Raoul's graduation from OSU. Walt came back early from a conference he was attending to see them, and Cindy happened to have planned a visit starting that day, so she helped me clean and get things ready for them. I know they wouldn't have minded coming into to a messy house, but I would feel better if it wasn't. So Cindy and the kids and I, with whatever energy I could muster,cleaned and prepped. My brother once nicknamed Cindy "the Mad Scrub Woman," and she lived up to her calling. My brother's stepdaughter, Nicole, had planned to come over to dinner prior to our unexpected company. She said she had a roasted chicken and rice and lots of veggies...and adding things from my fridge, Cindy and Nico put together an amazing meal. It was wonderful how it all came together. Because of feeling so nauseous and tired, I couldn't enjoy their visit as I would have preferred, but it was nice to see everyone and the day was infused in kindnesses by so many people involved.

Kindness and Hope. Two amazing words to help fuel my journey.