Never-to-be-forgotten Summer

All in all, it was a never-to-be-forgotten summer — one of those summers which come seldom into any life, but leave a rich heritage of beautiful memories in their going — one of those summers which, in a fortunate combination of delightful weather, delightful friends and delightful doing, come as near to perfection as anything can come in this world.” ― L.M. Montgomery, Anne's House of Dreams

“Summer afternoon — summer afternoon; to me those have always been the two most beautiful words in the English language.”

—Henry James

I'm sitting on my porch, dog by my side, a dragonfly flitting over the rhodies, a plane leaving a white trail in the mostly blue sky. I hear the occasional squeals of happy neighbor children, but it's mostly quiet as my own are gone on adventures of their own. This is one of the rare open summer afternoons of this summer. I was determined to use my free hours wisely, but then I taste the sweetness of one of the last lazy afternoons left of summer, and I give myself permission to just be. Well, I open the laptop, and inspired by not having to write, to not having to do anything, the words flow freely.

First, I need to share this picture with you. It's from Nathan's blog when he was nine. He actually started it when he was eight, hence the name, http://adventuresofaneightyearold.blogspot.com .

If you have a chance, read through the few postings he wrote because they are just beyond precious. This now 15 year old is trecking the Pacific Coast Trail with a few other scouts, carrying all he needs on his strong and tall body, living in the wilderness for five days, covering 50 miles with his own boot-covered feet. I'm eager to hear of the adventures when I pick him up on Saturday, but until then, let me share with you this picture:

Oh, I forgot to tell you it also includes a shot of our dear friend Abby. This was at Lincoln Rock during our camping trip in 2009, where Nathan water skied for the first time,  and we made memories of soaking up the sun, boating on the river, and enjoying great fun around a campfire with close friends. I miss those simpler days. While in the midst of parenting young kids, I had no idea they would be considered simpler. Now, my kids are older, have jobs and responsibilities, are so busy that a weekend trip is almost impossible.  I wish for those earlier days, but at the same time, I am so proud of my kids and the growing they did this summer. 

Instead of meeting friends at a park or at the beach, as we did in their younger years, I've spent most of my summer in a car, driving the kids to their activities. Nathan finished drivers ed this summer, went to boy scout camp as the troop's Senior Patrol leader (and navigated the leadership responsibilities expertly), spent a week each at church camp and band camp, and now, capping off this busy summer, he is hiking 50 miles. 

Becca, too, had a summer of growth and adventure. She found a job working in a law office, which is an amazing first job for anyone. The experience and working environment is wonderful, with the only downside being its  location. Three days a week I drive Becca to and from the office in north Seattle, navigating about 90 minutes of rush hour traffic,  but grasping onto the opportunity to have my now 17 year old to myself for those hours. In the midst of brake lights and merging lanes, I enjoy discovering more things about her. Our conversations have been the silver lining in our tough commute this summer. When she isn't working at her law office job, she works at her horse barn to help pay for lessons. In the midst of all this work, she has gone to two amazing camps which included activities like cliff jumping, tubing, cave spelunking, rock climbing, whitewater rafting, hiking, and above all, growing closer to God.

Becca, her friend and group leader rock climbing

This will probably go down as a summer to remember for both of my older kids. While Ben has had a much quieter summer, it has not been without some growing, too. He spent about a month at a daily tennis camp run by the high school tennis coach, meeting new friends and developing strong court skills. Ben and I find ourselves often playing tennis, laughing and challenging each other.

Ben at tennis camp, last man standing

During his time at our church's summer camp, he experienced the ups and downs of getting sick. In the early  morning hours of his second day at camp, he urgently made his way to the bathroom. After his second trip, his friend Colton  noticed and encouraged him to go see the camp nurse. We received a phone call that morning that Ben had been throwing up, so Walt and I immediately left our treasured time away together to go be with our son. Two and a half hours later, we found Ben sitting in the shade in the nurse's tent, surrounded by his good buddies, Colton and Estif. If junior high boys can be any more supportive of each other, I can't imagine. After spending a bit of time in camp with Ben, checking to see if whatever he had might pass quickly, we decided that Ben would benefit from at least one night at home.

Estif and Colton saying goodbye to Ben

Fortunately, after a good night's sleep in his own bed, a shower and some comfort food, Ben was ready to return to camp. Another two hour trip south and a quick hi to Becca and Nathan (it was Becca's 17th birthday), Walt and I were finally able to return to our little getaway. The time away was fun, made all the more precious by the reminder of what is really important in our life. These kids will be home with us only a few more years, and it is an honor to watch them grow into the adults that God intended them to be. Ben experienced the bonds of a strong friendship, that two 13 year old boys would forgo some of the fun to help pack up his stuff and stand by him while he wasn't feeling well. These two friends were one of the firsts to welcome him back to camp with huge grins. What a great thing to discover amidst the pain and disappointment. 

This summer has been unlike any I've experienced so far as a parent.  My kids are making great choices, are growing, are becoming more independent. Yet, when they are sick, or discouraged, or need to hear that they've done well, it's us, their mom and dad, who get to fill that void. There's no better role in life to have. Without being too overly dramatic, I feel led to add that my cancer journey has seasoned my role as a mother with a greater sense of awe, of thankfulness, of priority.  I heard news of a fellow homeschooling mom, a lady I spoke with once but who was part of the same co-op, who finished her race with cancer this summer, going to her eternal home, leaving her family behind. Hearing this news was a reminder to me that this time is sacred. Nothing is to be taken for granted. 

As the days of summer wind down, this glorious summer afternoon spent writing on the porch will be hard to come by again, I am thankful for the chance to recognize how even this is important. That each conversation, each word of praise, each instruction spoken from my mouth begins the beginning of the end. The kids will grow up and leave the home. Walt and I will be empty nesters. We will cheer from the sidelines as they continue to lead their lives. At least, that's the hope. With a cancer diagnosis, there is always the fear that things aren't going to work out that way. That's why I don't dwell on the fear but I relish in the now. The summer breeze, the quiet, the joy of today, the trust in God's plan. I hope this is a "never-to-be-forgotten summer" for me, too, and the same for the fall, and the winter, and every season I have the opportunity to live. 

Lab Results and New Meds

I realized that life has me running these days and I forgot to post the results of my doctor's visit last Friday. I actually peeked at the lab results prior to the appointment, and I knew that pesky tumor marker was up again. When Dr. Kohn entered into the room, she said that for the most part everything looked fine, except the CEA marker was up again. I mentioned that I had discovered that already, and she asked me if I saw that the rest of my results were fine. I did, but of course, I wondered what she was going to tell me about the elevated marker.

Just to refresh your memory, tumor markers pick up proteins in the blood that can be caused by cancerous tumors. The CEA marker in particular picks up an indication of gastronomical cancers (primarily colon) which earned me an extra colonoscopy last summer. Before going into the office, I noticed a trend in my numbers from last year, elevated in the summer and decreasing in the fall. I asked my doctor if by chance it could be related to spring and summer allergies. My allergies were particularly bad on the Friday I had the blood draw.

Dr. Kohn didn't think that was the missing puzzle piece, but she admitted that there could be any number of benign (non-cancerous) reasons why my tumor marker is up again. The normal range is under 3.0, and my marker was at 3.2. She mentioned that tumor markers really do not add to the survival rates of patients treated as curative (early stage cancers that the doctors pursue treatment to get rid of the cancer entirely as opposed to cancers that have metastasized). Percentages and numbers are an oncologist's holy grail in deciding treatment and follow up, but Dr. Kohn admitted that it was hard to forego checking the markers. She wasn't going to stress about the slight increase (her words), not even make me come in for a blood draw in two months (which was the protocol we followed last year). Instead, she said she would see me in October, when I was due for my next mammogram.

I had hoped this was how she was going to react to this report. When I did a bit of research again, it seems like people were asking about tumor markers that were significantly higher than normal. If my marker was at a seven or even a five, I would be concerned (especially since some patients online had scores of 27 or 54). But .2 over normal? Especially since this seems to be the trend from last year? Perhaps this is my normal. I usually do things a bit above average, so maybe I'm following that through with tumor markers.

I did decide to try another aromatase inhibitor. I felt like I needed to try one more time because it would give me a bit higher survival percentage and more importantly, didn't have the added uterine cancer risk that plagues tamoxifen. Granted, the survival percentage is very small as is the risk for this secondary cancer, but combined, I felt it was worth trying once more. The last time I tried an AI, the doctor prescribed Arimidex. After a few days, I noticed itchy spots on my abdomen and top of one foot. Then when I forgot to take Claritin one morning, my throat began to swell and I realized these were symptoms of an allergic reaction to the medication.

I started my new med, Aromasin, on Friday. So far, I haven't experienced any negative side effects. I'm trying not to be overly sensitive to my skin itching or whether my tongue feels numb. I've decided that I'll know it if it's a reaction, but I don't want to make one up by overly thinking about it. I'm on the alert for any red bumps, which I haven't found. The best thing is I haven't experienced the achiness that I experienced on Arimidex. This is a common side effect of an AI. This was probably one of the main reasons why I hesitated about switching before. Quality of life, being able to exercise without pain, being flexible and strong, is important to me.  So, as of now, everything looks like it is going well.  I'm so thankful.

So, my season of testing is finished! I am off until next October when I'll undergo a mammogram and blood draw. If everything looks good, my next appointment isn't for six months. Six whole months!! I'm ecstatic over those numbers. Until now, I'll continue living each day for all it's worth, enjoying my kids, the sunshine, this marvelous life that God has blessed me with. And you? Is there anything you are putting off because of fears? Anything you need to try once more? Any test or medical procedure you have been avoiding? Schedule it, perform it, just do it. Remember, God's got your back!