Monday

"A man who can break down and cry — is man who will break open his heart to let your heart in."

 Ann Voskamp's Grandma

http://www.aholyexperience.com

As I read this today, I thought of my dad, tears unashamedly running down his cheeks on the night of my high school awards, not afraid to tell me how proud he was of me. 

I thought of my dear husband, quietly wiping away the tears as the nurse inserted the needle into my port at my first chemo. 

Then I thought of Jesus. The shortest verse in the bible speaking volumes into my heart. Jesus wept.  Jesus wept because He loved Lazurus. He wept for Mary and Martha because He knew they grieved the death of their dear brother. Later he wept when He overlooked Jerusalem, knowing that so many would not understand. 

I know Jesus wept over me. How do I know? Because if one of my children was going through something difficult, I would have cried. I imagine Him weeping when I heard the words that I had cancer, surrounding me with His love as I cried tears of anguish. He wept because He knew I thought of my mom who died of cancer, only a couple years older than I am now. He wept because He knew I couldn't see at the time the blessings that would come out of the ashes. When I didn't understand, He knew.

On this Monday of Holy Week, I was reflecting on how Jesus felt. He was about to face His gravest challenge. On Good Friday two years ago, I went in for an innocent mammogram--unaware of the repercussions that lie around the corner.  Unlike me, Jesus knew exactly what would happen to Him--the pain, the taunts, the jeers, the desertion.  He knew He would need to carry the sins of the world...and the hardest part...be separated from God. 

Tomorrow when I go in for my MRI, as I'm shut up in the tube with the crazy, loud noises, I will picture Jesus enduring the cross. But, I also will know that He is right there with me, comforting me, holding my fears. Just as He knew what His Easter week will be like, He knows what mine will be. My heart is at peace with Him by my side.

He has broken open his heart and let me in. As Ann's grandmother suggested, this is the type of man I can trust.