Expectations

Mom (expecting my youngest sister), my brother, sisters and I (on the pony)

I remember one Christmas many years ago. I was maybe a young teen at the time. We had opened presents, always a huge event with five kids, and I spotted an extra sweatshirt in my brother's pile. I'm not sure how I knew it was extra, but my mom was very careful about making sure we all had the same number of gifts. A twinge of jealousy marred my happiness of a moment ago. I expected everyone to have the same amount of items, so why does my brother have an extra one, I wondered silently.

I found out later that my sister, taking the amount we were given to buy small gifts for our siblings, found an extraordinary deal on the sweatshirt and bought it for my brother instead of the small toy or candy that we usually got for each other. This impacted me so much that even though the details of the rest of the day are blurred, I remember the extra shirt as if it were yesterday. I also cringe at my reaction, the shallowness that I sometimes still struggle with.

How often do our expectations, and often misunderstandings, mess up what could have been a fabulous day?

Unexpected snow when I don't have to be anywhere is my favorite

I wrote earlier about how excited I was about spending the early morning of Black Friday with my daughter, perhaps our last time since it looks likely that she will go out of state to college next year.

While I did spend a few hours with her, it wasn't anything like I expected or hoped for. She asked if it was okay for her to go earlier with a few of her friends who were trying to capture the last of the Thanksgiving Day sales. I refuse to shop on Thanksgiving Day, but Becca thought it would be fun to go with her friends, especially since we were only watching a movie. We would meet up whatever time I decided to go. She asked if it was okay.

I looked at my 18 year old daughter, wanting to appease me but eager to hang out in the middle of the night in a mall with her friends. It would be her last chance to spend Black Friday with these friends, too. As a mom, I know how important family is, but as a teen, she is all about her friends. I get this. I was like that, too.

I told her to go. Make good decisions, be safe, have fun.

That morning, about 3, I made the cold, dark drive by myself, still thankful for the lack of traffic. I parked in the first row near the main entrance. We connected. She was exhausted. Her friend who happens to be a boy hung out with us, too.

It wasn't what I expected, but I knew I had a choice. I would make the most of this moment, this time, and throw away any expectations from past years.

We shopped. I bought them a Cinnabon, I had Starbucks. We usually had Starbucks together. It was different this year because she already had a mocha before I came.

Instead of wandering the mall, we went to specific shops and left after only a couple of hours. I had energy to drive to Old Navy, but Becca was fading fast. They stayed in the car while I ran in to find a sweatshirt for Ben.

We drove home while it was still dark with very little traffic. No extra stops at Fred Meyer. No chasing down a sale at as many stores as possible.

We still made a memory.

Living in the moment means letting go of expectations, what should have been, what I wished was. God has thrown curveballs into my life, like with the sudden breast cancer diagnosis. If I held onto my expectations of what I hoped life was, what I wished I hadn't needed to think about, what I never wanted to endure, I would have missed out on the blessings of the moment, of seeing God in the small things.

Living life in the present is like that.

I think of Mary, just a teenager, engaged to a special man. Her life mapped out.

Then suddenly an angel appears. Your plans will be changed abruptly. You will give birth to a son who will be called Jesus who will become your Savior.

Mary answers, "I am the Lord's servant. May your word to me be fulfilled." (Luke 1:38).

If Mary kept hold of her expectations, she would have missed out on this blessing. Was it not a blessing laced with tremendous difficulties? Yes, we can only imagine all the hardships she faced.

Yet her letting go of expectations, living in the moment, being willing to do as God asked her, opened up the means for Jesus to come to earth, offering Himself as our greatest blessing.

In our days, it's easy to chase after things that don't matter. We have our expectations of what is fair or important.

But what if the interruption, how we react to a change of plans, how we let God lead, is the most important thing for us to see?

Because the Jews were looking for their expected messiah, and they missed the Bethlehem morning, the infant wrapped in swaddling cloths, lying in a manger. They missed Jesus.

This Christmas, don't let expectations get in the way of Jesus. Be open to living now, eyes wide open, looking for what God has in store.