6 Good Things

It's summer, and my blog has been pretty quiet, so I set out to highlight five good things happening in my neck of the woods. As I got writing, I couldn't stop at five, so here's six.

1. I have a high school graduate.

Yes, it's been about a month, and I think I've almost recovered from all the activities surrounding this milestone. We had family come in to help celebrate the graduation.They lovingly sat through the reading of over 400 names, too, as each graduate walked across the stage at the Xfinity arena. Becca, because she was a senior class officer, was the fifth to cross the stage. Then, she came in at the end to read part of a send-off poem before the traditional tassel turn and cap toss. For people who are used to East Coast time, they did admirably well. Becca looked stunning in her cap and gown, and I was amazed at her stage presence before the thousands in the arena.

Then our Florida family departed, I switched out bedding and did loads of laundry, and then began preparing for the grad party. The act of prepping, buying and serving food for an unknown number of guests was a bit daunting. Enter my two sisters and aunt to save the day! They baked and frosted, shopped, cleaned and decorated. Patty and Cindy worked tirelessly, while Aunt Enie was the voice of reason: "It'll work out."

 Aunt Enie having fun
 in the backyard

And it did, splendidly. We set up a taco bar with all the fixins, lots of desserts and candy, and filled coolers full of beverages. Becca's friends and our friends came. It was the first time so many people who I didn't know showed up at my house. Becca did a marvelous job floating between the adults and the kids. It was a memorable evening, and I have about 365 days before embarking on it again when we celebrate Nathan's graduation.

 I have notes in my head and soon to be on paper of what I liked and plan to do differently next year (Keep it Simple, Silly!). Next year I won't be able to rely on the able hands of my sister who will be planning her son's wedding next June. But as Scarlett would have said, "I'll think about that tomorrow!" Or better yet, "Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself." Matthew 6:34

Patty, Cindy and Aunt Enie taking a well-deserved break

Many hands created this beautiful buffet

2. Nathan travelled to Haiti and back.

In the midst of all the graduation excitement, Nathan was left mostly on his own to prepare for a 10-day mission trip to Haiti with other youth from our church. I did have his packing list, and a few times when I was shopping for graduation party items, I checked off a few items from his list. Bug spray with deet. Another water bottle. Camp towel. Travel size shampoo and lotions. Of course,  a few of the items became lost in the flurry of prepping for a large party, but Nathan in his calm, level-headed way borrowed shampoo from one of his teammates without saying a word to me after I insisted it was in the bag I gave him. Several days after he returned, I found the shampoo and a few other items I carefully picked up for him in the bottom of a shopping bag. We are still looking for where I might have stashed his Chick-Fil-A gift card during our decorating and cleaning frenzy. 

Back to Haiti. Nathan had an amazing time. His heart will never be the same. He said the people are so welcoming, yet he was impacted by the poverty and crowds. They spent a lot of time in an orphanage and ran a VBS for the local church. Nathan even volunteered to share his testimony and teach from God's word during the Sunday service. His whole theme for this trip was breaking out of his carefully crafted comfort zones, and he took every opportunity presented him to do so.

Nathan loved the children

Nathan and his youth pastor, Brookes, pouring over scripture in preparation for sharing God's truth to the Haitian people

3. I love the library.

At the beginning of May, I started a part-time job at my neighborhood library. The first month was filled with training and paperwork and uncertainty, so when I was asked how it was going, my reply was "pretty good, I guess." We were adjusting to me being outside the house, having three drivers and only one car and the varied work hours, including weekends and evenings.  But now that I've been at the job for over a month (only 15 hours a week), I am feeling extremely thankful. The other day, as I drove away from the library, I caught myself thinking, "I can't believe I work at a library!"

Since the bookmobile pulled up for the first time in my small Wisconsin hometown, I have loved libraries. In my single days when I worked in downtown Seattle, I spent many lunch hours wandering the stacks of the nearby metropolitan library. When my kids were little, we participated in all the storytimes, the summer programs, the reading programs. As we home schooled, we were often at the library or utilizing its online databases doing research. In fact, it was during a special program on research I set up for the middle school English homeschoolers in our co-op that I got the idea of trying to find part time work there when I no longer homeschooled Ben.

Now, the library is my employer and I love it. I love helping the young mom with her wide-eyed child get a library card for the first time. I love helping the older folks who are uncomfortable with technology, showing them how to use a library computer, or placing holds for them. Young kids come up to the desk to ask if we have a certain title, and then I get to guide them to how to find it on the shelf. Most of the usual customers have noticed I'm new and introduce themselves. One man in his thirties received a library card for the first time in so long he didn't remember, and he was amazed at the amount of items available to him. I also love checking in books, shelving the books people put on hold, and finding items from the shelves people request. 

Since I was young and packed up a huge bag of books to read on a sunny summer day, I have felt at home in the library. Now I get paid to go there and open the world to others who also love the library.  

4. Listening to podcasts is one of my favorite things.

I've spoken about this before, but have you joined the podcast bandwagon? I'll listen to a memoir or novel on overdrive (from the library, of course) but for a quick pick me up while suffering through a boring task, podcasts can't be beat. As I walked today, I listened to one of my favorites, The Happy Hour with Jamie Ivey. Today her guest was Lisa Harper. Run, don't walk, and download this episode now! Happy Hour with Jamie Ivey

All you need to do is click on the above link and you can listen on your computer. Or, you can go to itunes and download episode #148 of Happy Hour with Jamie Ivey.

Enough said. You can thank me later!

5. I chose to trust God.
My dear, nodule-ridden thyroid which has taken a backseat to, as my endocrinologist called my breast cancer, "the elephant in the room," decided to take center stage this week. At least for a few days. Some of you may recall that prior to my breast cancer diagnosis, I had several nodules on  my thyroid biopsied. When the report showed benign, I let go of the pent up air I didn't realized I was holding and breathed a sigh of relief that I didn't have cancer. Later I did have cancer, but it was in the breast and you all know what happened through that.

Every six months I still go in for monitoring of my thyroid. My doctor feels the thyroid, takes a blood test and sends a letter that I'm still in the normal range for thyroid hormones. This time he sent me for an ultrasound because new studies have indicated that sometimes benign nodules can turn cancerous.

The ultrasound showed some growth in two of the nodules and he wanted to biopsy them again. As he showed me one nodule in particular and he indicated a starry area, my thoughts went back to the radiologist indicating some "calcification" in an area of my breast five years ago.

As I lay back for him to insert the fine needle into my neck, I chose to trust God. He would have the best plan. It may not be one I would choose, but I would trust His goodness in it.

A few minutes later and a v-shaped bandage covering my neck, I drove home through rush hour traffic. There was nothing I could do but trust God. Trusting, I'll tell you, is hard work. But it is so much better than the alternative, worrying.

Wednesday morning, the day my doctor promised the results would be in, I saw a sort of familiar number pop up on my phone. I sensed it was the doctor, but I wasn't ready to hear the news. Not yet. I bowed my head, my heart beating wildly, and remembered how it felt prior to receiving my breast cancer news. Then I whispered the words that calmed my fears, "I choose to trust you, Lord." I pulled up my voicemail, and it was indeed the doctor. "I wanted to call you right away with the good news..." Sweet relief poured over me. Everything is benign. Thank you Lord. Not because you chose to keep cancer away, but because I know without a doubt that I can trust you no matter what. I'm never alone. I'm never abandoned.

I love the picture of God always being with me in Isaiah 43. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. (Isaiah 43: 2)

In other words, sometimes God chooses to save us from the difficult things, and sometimes He chooses to allow us to walk through them. Yet, we will never be alone in the midst of the crashing waves or searing flames. We can't begin to understand the reason why we go through things, but we can choose to trust. We can choose to trust that He will be with us. He will cause good to come out of it. He has a purpose despite the pain. Yet, He also chooses to lead us beside still waters, away from the flood. And that is His good plan, too.

Today, I am resting beside the still water, my neck sore enough to still remind me of God's presence through it all.

6. I choose to live in the present. 

My thoughts often float back to my summer five years ago. By this time, my hair had newly fallen out from the chemo. My taste buds were shot. I sat in a chair for hours as poison was pumped into my body. One and a half weeks of suffering to crawl myself back to feeling better before starting over again. That was my summer of 2012. I look back occasionally to remember how far I've come, to appreciate the moment of today.

While I am beginning to believe more as time passes that I might be done with breast cancer, I also need to remember that my focus cannot nor should not be in the future.

You remember all the times you wished for, the I can't wait until I graduate...or have a good job...or my kids are out of diapers... or my kids can drive themselves...   all the times we wished for that perfect time in the future when things would be easier? When we got there, we realized that amongst the good, there was still a struggle. Not being in school meant the student loans were due. Having a good job meant a steady income but also lack of free time time to travel. When my kids graduated from diapers we experienced panicked moments of finding the nearest bathroom when we were out. I've loved that my kids can drive themselves to activities, but now we are scrambling to share a vehicle.

With every good, there is a downside. When I look from where I am now and anticipate the future, like flying home from Arizona after leaving my daughter behind for her first year of college, I feel a sense of panic creep in. Yet, when I remember that takes place in the future and God is in the present, I focus my thoughts on today. I need to finish this blog post, vacuum the family room, pull some weeds, make dinner, take a walk and live what is store for me today. God has always promised grace enough for today. Nothing more. Nothing less.

I learned that when I had a week and a half of feeling better before my next chemo treatment, I wasn't going to waste it worried about the next round of pain. I would see what food I could eat. How many miles my body could walk. Lean into the present. Cherish the moment and not worry about the future.

I learned that through battling cancer. It was part of God's good plan in the midst of the hard.

Today, free from a cancer diagnosis, the sun shining, hot coffee in my mug, a lightness in my heart, I look forward to walking through this day with God.