Only Nine More

Today was my last time I needed to hold my breath for treatment, so goodbye goggles, sensor box taped to my stomach, and films to verify that my  heart is out of the field of radiation. My techs have gone overboard in praising me each day when I'm finished (after they forgot one time). Today Nicole told me that was the last time I was going to be praised. She joked that she could tell me something like, "Good job not holding your breath." I answered that I'll just have to get my affirmations somewhere else.

 My understanding is tomorrow my doctor will mark the area where the tumor was and my remaining treatments will be targeted to this one area. I have no other details of how these final "boosts" will affect my skin, why it's needed or how treatment will go, so I'll let you know as I know.

Today as I was driving to the hospital, I thought of the lady I met on the day of my simulation who only had 10 treatments left. I remember her saying how quickly the weeks went, and I only half believed her. I can honestly say that this time has flown by. Maybe I'm secretly hoping time will slow down because when I'm finished, it'll be a week away from Christmas and I have way too much to do before that. On the other hand, I sure could use more time in my afternoon, so not driving into the hospital every day will help in that regard.

So far, I continue to fair well through radiation. My skin is sore, like a sunburn would be, but for most of the day it is hardly noticeable. My fatigue creeps up on me earlier each day. I feel like a two-year-old without an afternoon nap. I get grumpy and can't handle noise or too much activity. My mind has a hard time thinking clearly, similar to what happens if I stayed up way past my bedtime (even though it's only 8 or 9 pm).  I find myself retreating to the quiet of our bedroom. It beats getting angry at the kids or upset over things out of my control. I'm trying to stay up a little longer at night, though, so I can sleep more soundly when I do go to bed.

A bit of an update about my hair. I am getting a dark five o'clock shadow over my head. It looks like it's coming in dark, so maybe I won't be as gray as I feared. It's also covering my entire head, so hopefully any concern that the Taxotere will prevent my hair from coming back won't happen. My current hairstyle reminds me of Demi Moore's hair when she was in GI Jane, only a bit  shorter and lighter.

Unlike Walt's five o'clock shadow on his face, my hair is coming in really soft. Becca mentioned it's probably because it wasn't shaved. I think she's right. I can't wait to see what it'll look like when it's longer. It's hard waiting for hair, but I'm thankful that it will eventually grow back.