With apologies to my sisters, nephew and anyone else with a January birthday, I have come to the conclusion that I really don't like January. Yesterday I started taking down all the Christmas decorations. Today my goal is to finish. I just took a break from taking ornaments down from the tree. With a cup of green tea and the sounds of laughing kids in the background (who are procrastinating reading their literature homework with extra sessions of Wii Fit PE), I decided to write out my feelings with the hopes of getting the new year back on track.
Why do I dislike January? While it means the beginning of a shiny new year, it also means the end of Christmas season. For me this year, December was cut in half because the fatigue of radiation sent me to bed earlier each night. Now that I have recovered a lot of my energy, I am amazed at how well I got on with so little of it. Now I am forcing myself to head to bed so my mornings don't start too late, as opposed to wondering how early is too early to go to bed. Starting around 5 p.m., I wasn't much use for conversation or decisions. Last night I started putting decorations away around 9 p.m. While I didn't last much longer than 10, at least I was able to get a couple boxes packed.
I also am not looking forward to our schedule ramping up again. I love the nativity scenes, the special outings, Walt being home more, the get togethers, the Hallmark movies, the Christmas cards, the days with nothing pressing to do, the extra time thinking about Jesus. Today when I get my mail, it'll probably be bills and junk mail greeting me, instead of the smiling faces of friends and family so far away. I already miss the feeling of anticipation and togetherness during December. I sure enjoyed sleeping in. I am not looking forward to the ordinariness of a regular routine. I know I should be happy that my daily trips to the hospital have ended. It's nice, but it's also sort of lost in the emptiness of my mantle and the darkness where Christmas lights used to be.
As I am putting away the ornaments today, a sense of melancholy has filled my spirit. It seemed too short of a time ago that we were putting up the tree. I remember sitting in a chair, too tired to fully help out, but watching the kids interact as they put up the ornaments. "Mom, why do you keep these?" Becca asked, holding up one of the handmade ornaments from days gone by. "When I get my own tree, I'm going to have everything color-coordinated."
The kids grew disinterested quickly, and I had every intention of finishing up the tree the next day or so. It never happened, but the tree still looked beautiful to me. We didn't read a book during advent this year, either, which of all the things we didn't do for Christmas, it's the one I missed the most. Our purple candles weren't lit once this year, mostly because I headed to bed shortly after dinner. Next year, when we sit around the advent candles and read a story together, I will remember the year we didn't do it, the reasons we didn't, and be thankful for the time together once more.
Today as I pulled a handmade Christmas tree off the tree, I noted the name and the year on the back. I smiled as I remembered the little hands that globbed the glue and too-much glitter on the tree. Those little hands have grown steady and strong now. Many ornaments were never unwrapped this year, and it's obvious the kids just took out whatever was on top and then decided that was enough. I realized most of the ornaments on the tree were handmade. They are the biggest and easiest to pull out, but perhaps, the kids secretly enjoyed having them on the tree, too. When I head downstairs in a few minutes to put away the final ornaments I'll take another stroll down memory lane, remembering not only the past few days of this Christmas, but the many Christmases before.
It's funny how my melancholy has switch suddenly to a spirit of thankfulness. How good it is to be thankful for the many blessings, and how easily this simple act can lift your spirit. I truly am thankful that I was able to spend this Christmas with the people I love the most. I am thankful that the kids were able to help out so much when I didn't have the energy. Next year, when I pull out the ornaments again, I know I'll think of this Christmas, feeling thankful that I have more energy to help decorate the tree and house. I know each year will come the saddest day, the day I take it all down again, leading into the saddest month, the month when life returns to normal again. But maybe starting this year, I will try to carry with me a bit of the feelings, the thankfulness, the memories, and mostly God's love, which covers everything during Christmas like a warm blanket fresh from the dryer. This will help give my spirit a boost as I start this new year. As we all know, we never know what turns and bumps life has to offer, so it's best to take it one day at a time and enjoy it to the fullest.
Now, it's off to finish undecorating, wrapped in the blanket of God's love, to be enjoyed each day of this new year.
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