Hard Days

I haven't had the energy to write the past two days. It's been hard. Saturday night, my bones ached...sometimes sharp, jolting pains, other times just a dull ache. Always random, giving me a bit of a break before sneaking up again. Sleep was hard. The nausea was harder, even with anti-nausea meds. I had no appetite and food was a chore. I could not stomach my last dose of glutamine since I couldn't figure out anything to put it in. The only thing I could nibble on was watermelon and sip water. I didn't want to ruin the taste of water by putting it in, so I chose to skip that dose. Even though I'm past most of the nausea right now, I still get queasy thinking about it. I plan to talk with my naturopath about suggestions for the next round.

One thing I learned through this is not to make food in advance. I have no idea what I'm going to tolerate, and just the thought of a certain food waiting for me in the refrigerator was making me feel sick. People bringing food has been such a wonderful blessing. I can take a small forkful without thinking about it, and it usually worked to provide the much-needed protein. Cooking up vegetables also made them tolerable. I am thankful that water tastes good.

Walking has been a good thing. Not only does it force me into the fresh air, but it connects me to the outside world, too. Yesterday was the hardest day since I had no energy. Nathan walked Sugar as we made the loop around the neighborhood. I thought of cutting it shorter, but it seemed a good thing to go at least as far as I did the day before. When I got back, I was exhausted, and sat on the porch, to let the breeze cool me off. At my feet was a package from a dear friend. It was just the thing I needed to remind myself that God knows, that people care, and there is a purpose in all this. One of the books in the package was called, Praying  Through Cancer and the sentence on the back read, "For these women, cancer was a comma, not a period, in the sentences of their lives." It was just the encouragement I needed to remember that while this is a long journey, I will get through it.