My doctor doesn't see the need to jump into scans or panic at this point. She is recommending Aleve or Motrin plus ice until I see her next week. I wasn't able to talk with her directly, but I believe in her thoroughness. I checked with Walt to make sure he didn't have a catch in his spirit to push for a scan. He said he doesn't believe it is as serious as I let my mind go to. He also wonders if it might be our mattress, since my pain came back when I got back home....He has a good point there. Yesterday I also heard from several people who had experience with this sort of thing and laid out other possibilities that it could be (my body adjusting to my weight loss, side effect of radiation, osteoporosis from menopause ...)
Last night I slept through the night for the first time since Thursday, buoyed by hope and prayers. Do you know what the opposite of hope is? I think it's fear. Fear sat up with me through the night and described all the bad things the pain could be. God has over 100 verses in the bible to not fear, not be afraid, not worry. I knew that in my head, but it was hard to separate that from the fear I felt about prematurely leaving my kids behind. Yet, I'm thankful that I went through the experience. I again drank from the deep well of God's mercy. I shed more tears than I should have, but I know he captured each teardrop in His hand. I also benefited from the prayers of so many. I know I am not out of the woods at this point. I still have pain. I still have the history of cancer in my life and the possibility that it may come back. Probably not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But, all I should focus on is today. Today, right now, my peace comes from God. I have hope in Him. Today. This moment. Breathe deep and enjoy today.
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
1 Thesalonians 5: 16-18
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