Living in the Now

When I used to go on long distance bike rides, I remembered that by keeping my focus on where I was instead of the next hill or how badly I wanted to be finished, I had a much more enjoyable ride. In fact, I noticed the sweet smelling flowers as I rode by, or a cow grazing in the field, or the rhythm of my feet peddling the bike. These are all things I would have missed had my mind been preoccupied with what challenge lay ahead.

 I made that mistake yesterday. Instead of enjoying time with my kids at home, my mind wandered to how I was going to respond to chemo. I threw myself into unnecessary worry about whether there might even be cancer growing in some other spot in my body. Consequently, my mood plummented. By dinner, I wasn't very fun to be around.

Right now I'm in the flat of my race. I have no appointments scheduled until June 8th. Chemo doesn't start until the 14th. I feel strong, healthy, been walking hills so my endurance is building up from surgery. I am eating well, and my clothes are baggy on me. I'm reading a devotional called Jesus Calling by Sarah Young , and she is good at reminding me that Jesus is not in the future. If you want the strength and peace He promises, then it'll only be found in the present. If I choose to let my mind go to the future and the what ifs, then I'm on my own.

Today, I watched Nathan work on his math, and said, "You know, Buddy, you got this. Go ahead and skip this section. You're done for the day." (After all, I am the teacher and I can do those things!) I looked at wigs online with Becca, and we laughed so hard at the long-haired blonde wig she thought I should buy. Now, this is stuff we are living right now. This is the joy God gives when I stay in the now. Tomorrow has enough worries, and I needn't jump there. Instead, as I look at the clock, I need to go grab Ben and take him to his semi-final playoff baseball game. Today, I get to watch my youngest play his heart out on the baseball diamond. I feel pretty blessed!